Whitehouse.org is the officious web site for the White House and President George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States.

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THE WHITE HOUSE
Thank you for your interest in visiting the White House. After a lengthy terror-induced hiatus, White House Walking Tours have resumed. We are located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington DC, 20050. All tours must be specially scheduled in advance. Please see below for instructions.

2006-2007 TICKET PRICES*
   US Citizens       Non-US Citizens   
Adults: $249.99 $399.99
   Children: $199.99 $449.99
Seniors: $174.99 no admittance
* Please note that all proceeds from increased ticket revenue are promptly reallocated to the Republican National Committee's Eternal Reign Fund.

REGULATIONS FOR VISITORS:

In addition to first passing the INSTANT FBI SECURITY CHECK, all White House visitors are advised to familiarize themselves with the following rules and regulations prior to purchasing tour tickets:

  • At President Bush's insistence, a STRICT DRESS CODE (below) is enforced at The White House. Visitors not in compliance with the code upon arrival will be denied entry.
  • While you are welcome to take pictures of The White House grounds, both video and still photography are prohibited inside The White House. Furthermore, persons with photographic memories may be required to submit to one or more harmless injections.
  • Persons licensed to carry concealed handguns and/or semi-automatic grenade launchers will be asked to stow their weapons in special V.I.P. storage lockers for the duration of their visit. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
  • There are no public restrooms in The White House. Visitors suffering from low bladder capacity or spastic colon syndrome are advised to seek out alternate attractions in the greater Washington DC area.
  • For security reasons, personal wheelchairs are not allowed in The White House. Individuals arriving in wheelchairs must transfer to an appropriate Secret Service-approved model for the duration of their visit.
  • Children must be accompanied by an adult at all times. Persons under the age of 18 left unattended will be subject to a vigorous body cavity search.
  • In the event of encountering any member of the First Family (both immediate and extended) during a tour, visitors of both genders are required to avert their eyes and curtsey.
DRESS CODE
Suits: Suits are required attire for all persons possessing a penis. The following color and fabric combinations have been deemed acceptable: dark blue and wool, navy blue and wool, dark gray and wool, charcoal gray and wool, and dark brown and wool (fall only). Persons attired in suits made of silk, crushed velvet, velour, terrycloth or low-quality merino blends will be denied entry unless bearing contributions.

Dresses: Everyone may wear dresses so long as they are women. Short dresses or mini-skirts are acceptable, providing the wearer is under 28 years of age and possesses legs free of unsightly cellulite dimples and/or varicosities. Women who are heavy-set, elderly, or otherwise aesthetically impaired will be required to rent floor-length floral print housecoats prior to commencing the tour.

T-Shirts: T-shirts are permitted, providing any message emblazoned on them is appropriate for the White House. Acceptable messages include alcohol, tobacco or firearm-related expressions such as "Eat the Worm," "Chuck Heston is MY President," "Absolut Spring Break," "Marlboro Race Team" or "Highway 420." Unacceptable messages are typically leftist and pinko slogans such as "Save the Whales," "Solar Power Now," "Free Mumia," or "My Parents Went to Texas, And All I Got Was This Lousy Lethal Injection."

WHITE HOUSE VIRTUAL TOURS

The Blue Room


Lincoln Bedroom


The China Room

State Dining Room


The Vermeil Room


The Map Room
WHITE HOUSE FLOOR PLANS









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