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THE WHITE HOUSE
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – OFFICE OF THE PRESS SECRETARY – EXECUTIVE BRANCH

May 12, 2007
 

Vice President Warns Iranian Sand Negroes Against Uppity Meddling in Their Own Country

THE VICE PRESIDENT: "Standing here on the deck of this glorious million ton Navy death machine, parked provocatively just off the coast of Iran, I want to coincidentally mention that those Persian loonies can forget their dream of having nuclear power. After all, who cares if Iran is as addicted to imported energy as the USA is? That kind of reality-based fact doesn't jive with the scary, oil-drenched stereotype we Americans have of Iran – a country populated entirely by relatives of Osama bin Laden – whose hairy women even sweat 10W-40.

No, we will not tolerate Iran stealing America’s invention of nuclear power. Because if anyone has earned the right to be the world’s self-appointed nuclear nanny, it’s Uncle Sam. After all, just imagine how horrible it would be if some war-happy country went and did something sick and twisted with the atom – like using it to vaporize a few hundred thousand civilian Japaneses. Luckily the morally perfect United States of America would NEVER let something like THAT happen! Unless it was to people who were annoying us, of course. Such as... swarthy losers so brain-damaged by the cult of Islam that they actually think they have the right to exercise self determination over their own country! After all, if Jesus wanted Middle Easterners to actually control their region, He wouldn’t have put all of America's oil under there!"



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