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April 3, 2007

President Bush Offers Frank Ruminations on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's Reckless Peacemongering in Syria

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Please have a seat. I'm going to break with the norm here, and talk totally unplugged for a minute. Would somebody please tell me what the fuck that self-important, hippie dyke Nancy Pelosi is fucking doing visiting Syria – a country so uppity, it thinks it can control its own destiny without my express say-so? Seriously, what the fuck shimmied up her mummified twat and planted eggs? That fucking patchouli oil-douching, ravioli-eating bitch got more wrinkles than Pat Leahy's leathery old nutsack!

Sheesh almighty! I let that cunt strut her pant suit all around town after she won the House, and acted all super-duper nice. Stupid fucking me thought she was honestly serious about bipartisanship, since liberals is predictable motherfuckers that way. I had no idea she was gonna start playing by the rules us Republicans wrote!

Somebody oughtta tell that gash that just because you're elected doesn't mean you get to swing your dick around – or malformed, elephant ear-sized labia lips for that matter. As if bitch got a mandate to change course on everything from overseeing a perfectly harmless Middle East civil war to running up the national debt like a sorority skank's spring break spree on Daddy's AmEx. Think about it – why do they call it a "mandate"? Because MEN are in charge – and by the grace of the Robber Baron-McJesus-Confederacy, Nancy Pelosi ain't eligible to join our sausage hang!

What does she think she's doing? I'm ignoring Syria for a reason! And that reason is because if I do, them ragheads might actually do something stupid on the Iraqi border, or start letting Iran sneak into Lebanon so they can piss all over Jewistan. Then I got a juicy reason to fuck Iran's grill up good.

Just because a somber panel of crusty elder statesmen concluded that engaging Syria diplomatically is essential to American foreign policy don't make it right. Didn't that San Fagcisco bitch watch the 110% historically accurate, family-friendly docudrama 300? Do you think those totally ripped, greasy he-men from Sparta would play patty-cake with them super tall, freak show drag queen Persians? Hell no! Every American should go out and see that movie 300 – it sure does validate patrio-bloodbaths in awesome, orgasmic man-on-man heavy metal style!

Pelosi thinks she's so special. Special my ass: I got a pet negress secretary that shuttles from secure, bomb-proof conference room in the US to secure, bomb-proof conference room in Tel Aviv all the time. Don't that win me some fucking political correctness points? Shit. Fucking lezbo whore thinks she's fucking the living reincarnation of fucking Ghandi. What's she gonna do anyway? Offer a basket full of the fruits of California – namely, ipods, botox shots, and herpes? I fucking hate that withered old E.T.-looking kooz!!!

We should pay the Syrians to blow her out of the sky. That would be a win-win situation.


Any questions?

SEAN HANNITY: It's just me, Mr. President

THE PRESIDENT: You're the only one I invited.

HANNITY: All I can say sir, is you always make me mist up.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, Sean

HANNITY: No problem, big dog.

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