SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT: Refuting the Liberal Lie That Our Studly Alpha Male President Cried Like a Sissy Bitch
"President Bush cried yesterday..."
- New York Daily News
As the penultimate incarnation of divine masculinity, President Bush possesses internal organs that are vastly more powerful than those of mere human beings. Yesterday, His lacrimal gland – the keenly sensitive structure which lubricates the First Eyeballs – detected a potent irritant (french onion soup vapors eminating from the fetid mouth of a nearby dead soldier's parents), and wasted no time in pre-emptively neutralizing the ocular threat.
Verily, the so-called "tear" was actually a MANLY ASSAULT
AGAINST A LETHAL MENACE TO THE VERY EMBODIMENT OF FREEDOM®
In actively disseminiating the grotesque fiction that President Bush was "crying", the liberal media is nefariously misleading the public into believing that despite His meticulously cultivated image as a modern-day swaggering John Wayne, President Bush's steely resolve is but a mere façade, behind which lurks a blubbering daddy's boy, increasingly racked by paralyzing self-doubt, a creeping suspicion that his War of Personal Retribution is a catastrophic failure unparalleled in the annals of history, and the soul-crushing realization that his hands are drenched with an ocean of needlessly spilled blood.
That, of course, is sheer poppycock!