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THE WHITE HOUSE
Newsroom

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – OFFICE OF THE PRESS SECRETARY – EXECUTIVE BRANCH

January 12, 2007
 

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT: Refuting the Liberal Lie That Our Studly Alpha Male President Cried Like a Sissy Bitch

MYTH: "President Bush cried yesterday..."
     - New York Daily News

FACT: As the penultimate incarnation of divine masculinity, President Bush possesses internal organs that are vastly more powerful than those of mere human beings. Yesterday, His lacrimal gland – the keenly sensitive structure which lubricates the First Eyeballs – detected a potent irritant (french onion soup vapors eminating from the fetid mouth of a nearby dead soldier's parents), and wasted no time in pre-emptively neutralizing the ocular threat.

Verily, the so-called "tear" was actually a MANLY ASSAULT AGAINST A LETHAL MENACE TO THE VERY EMBODIMENT OF FREEDOM®.

In actively disseminiating the grotesque fiction that President Bush was "crying", the liberal media is nefariously misleading the public into believing that despite His meticulously cultivated image as a modern-day swaggering John Wayne, President Bush's steely resolve is but a mere façade, behind which lurks a blubbering daddy's boy, increasingly racked by paralyzing self-doubt, a creeping suspicion that his War of Personal Retribution is a catastrophic failure unparalleled in the annals of history, and the soul-crushing realization that his hands are drenched with an ocean of needlessly spilled blood.

That, of course, is sheer poppycock!



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