Whitehouse.org is the officious web site for the White House and President George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States.

  Search WHITEHOUSE.ORG   

THE WHITE HOUSE
Newsroom
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001

12.30.2006: SADDAM HUSSEIN EXECUTED: President's Statement Celebrating the Awesome Snuffing Out of America's Most Hated Sand Coon
12.30.2006: PATRIOTIC KIDS CONTEST! Draw Saddam Hussein Dying and Win an Authentic Executioner's Ski Mask!
12.29.2006: Remembering Gerry Ford: President Bush Mourns Loss of Innovative Bestower of Felony-Erasing Pardons
12.27.2006: Gerald Ford Dead at 93: Breaking News as Delivered by Shining Beacon of Tabloid Quality
12.18.2006: BarneyCam 2006: Join Barney Bush for a Festive Romp Around the Jesus-Flavored White House
12.15.2006: Holiday Flashback: Enjoy a Very 1970's Christmas Greeting From America's Super-Wholesome Royal Family
12.12.2006: THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS: Mrs. Betty Bowers, Spiritual Advisor to the President, Reports From the Front Lines
12.09.2006: Vice President Cheney and his Wife Offer Very Special Holiday Wishes to Their Christian Taliban Base
12.07.2006: President's Statement on Bitchy Report From Crusty Old Geezers Intent on Losing the Awesomely Prosecuted War on Evil
12.04.2006: Poppy Bush Expresses Effusive, Non-Wimpy Pride in His Prodigal Son's #1 Smash Hit War
12.01.2006: President Makes Triumphant Return From Mega-Successful Summit With Annoyingly Willful Puppet Who Blew Him Off
11.28.2006: FIRST TWINS 25th BIRTHDAY: Vacation Update From Family Values Poster Children Jenna and The Other One
11.25.2006: President Bush Proudly Appoints Dr. Eric Keroack as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Wayward Vagina Containment
11.23.2006: THANKSGIVING 2006: President's Sincere and Heartfelt Prayer of Thanks to America's Official (Christian) God
11.19.2006: VIETNAM 2006: President's Remarks During Layover in Puny, Dirt-Poor Backwater That Allegedly Whooped America's Superpower Ass
11.15.2006: President's Statement Welcoming Back Senator Trent Lott as the True Face of the Republican Party
11.12.2006: Notice From Poppy Bush Unilaterally Amending President's Eight-Year Lease on the Levers of Global Hegemony
11.11.2006: President's Veterans Day Address to Retired Shrapnel Sponges Savoring Elimination of Sissy-Man Benefits
11.08.2006: ELECTION THUMPIN' 2006: President's Conciliatory Remarks Begging Terrorist-Fellating Liberals Not to Impeach His Ass
11.08.2006: Transcript of Donald Rumsfeld's Call Informing the President of His Desire To Spend More Time Bombing His Family
11.07.2006: VOTE PARTY-LINE REPUBLICAN: Or Hysterical Liberal Feminist Nancy Pelosi Will CASTRATE America!
11.06.2006: BEWARE THE BRAYING ASS: President Explains What Voters Can Expect From a Democratic Congress
11.04.2006: Mrs. Bush's Birthday: Read the President's Heartfelt Birthday Poem to America's Greatest-Ever First Lady
11.03.2006: Mrs. Betty Bowers, White House Spiritual Advisor, Offers Christian Concern to Pastor Ted Faggard
11.02.2006: PUSH POLLING IN ACTION: See Karl Rove's Informative Surveys for 2006 Senate Battleground Races
11.01.2006: VOTER ALERT: Does Virginia Democrat Jim Webb's Bizarre, Deviant Pornography Represent Your Values?
11.01.2006: HOCKING LUGIES IN SOLDIERS' FACES: Decoding John Kerry's America-Hating Liberal Doublespeak
10.29.2006: Transcript of the President's Poetic, Confidence-Inspiring Stump Speech on Behalf of Congressional Republicans
10.27.2006: Second Lady Lynne Cheney Vehemently Denies Repulsive Charges That She Writes Hot & Heavy Lesbo Smut
10.27.2006: VOTER ALERT: Learn the Dark, Sordid Truth About Tennessee Democrat Harold Ford Jr.
10.26.2006: President Warns Iraqazoids That There Are Limits to His Patience With Humiliating and Utterly Hopeless Failure
10.25.2006: MYTH vs. REALITY: Dispelling the Shameless Pre-Election Lies of the Defamatory Liberal Spin Machine
10.25.2006: Tony Snow Comments on Seditious Essay by Sniveling Crybaby Brother of FREEDOM Martyr Pat Tillman
10.23.2006: White House Statement on Alex P. Keaton's Flip-Flopping Endorsement of Womb Booger Holocaust
10.20.2006: President Bush Responds to His Sissy Father's Gloomy, Dementia-Ravaged Election Predictions
10.20.2006: Katherine Harris, Universally Beloved Congressperson, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
10.19.2006: WALL STREET WINDFALL: President's Statement on the Record-Breaking Close of the Dow Jones Plutocracy Index
10.19.2006: FOR GOP EYES ONLY: Karl Rove's Official List of "October Surprises" For Impending Congressional Election
10.17.2006: President's Remarks Commemorating God's Successful Creation of the 300,000,000 Most Awesome People on Earth
10.13.2006: President's Statement Regarding Stunning Recent Accomplishments of the "No Child Left Unshot" Initiative
10.10.2006: President's Statement Regarding North Korea's Totally Non-Foreseeable, Non-Negotiable Development of Nukular Weapons
10.08.2006: USS George H. W. Bush Christening: President's Remarks Honoring the Launch of a Bush-Themed Vessel of Mass Destruction
10.06.2006: Transcript of President's Telephone Conversation With America's Ultra-Beloved, Super-Competent Secretary of Defense
10.04.2006: PATRIOTIC CAMPAIGN POSTERS: Show Your Unflappable Support for Morally Spotless Decency Czar Mark Foley
10.04.2006: Myth vs. Fact: Setting the Record Straight on the Libelous Falsehoods Riddling Bob Woodward's State of Denial
10.01.2006: Speaker Dennis Hastert Dispatches Emergency Memo to Clarify Confusing Congressional Terminology for House Pages
09.29.2006: Senator George Allen, Virginia's Pillar of Inclusiveness, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
09.27.2006: President's Notes From Super-Productive Diplomatic Dinner With Arabiac Leaders Pervez Musharraf and Hamid Karzai
09.26.2006: President's Statement on Pentagon Decision to Extend Soldiers' Mandatory Vacations in Sunny, America-Friendly Vietraq
09.24.2006: PATRIOTIC READING: Exclusive Excerpt From Pakistarian General Pervez Musharraf's New Autobiography
09.22.2006: SECURITY ALERT: Help Protect America: Track Suspicious Persons From ANYWHERE Using the NSA Super Spy-O-Matic
09.19.2006: President's Call to Pope Benedict XVI Sharing Brilliant Insights on Placating Evil, Subhuman Muslamoid Trash
09.17.2006: President Bush Urges Voters to Declare Patriotic Surrender to the Great Spinach Mega-Panic of 2006
09.15.2006: President Bush Delivers Heartfelt Eulogy for Cheap, Brassy Family Nemesis Ann Richards
09.13.2006: RHODE ISLAND PRIMARY: Vice President Cheney Congratulates the Great Republican Senator Chafee's Annoying, Faggy Son
09.11.2006: PATRIOT DAY 2006: President Addresses Nation from Oval Office on Fifth Anniversary Of Fortuitous Political Windfall
09.10.2006: Script Excerpts of Deleted Scenes from ABC's Fair & Balanced Docu-Drama, The Path to 9/11TM
09.06.2006: Today's Patriotic Christian Kids Want to Know: Why Doesn't Our Loving Lord Jesus Just Zap All the Evildoers?
09.02.2006: Transcript of President's Phone Call Declining Debate Invitation From Iranistanian Madman Mammoo Allah-Lamma-Ding-Dong
08.31.2006: Second Lady Lynne Cheney's Remarks Welcoming Xena: Celestial Princess to America's Solar System
08.29.2006: President Trumpets Miraculous Transformation of Devastated Gulf Coast into Fabulous Real Estate Opportunities
08.26.2006: President's Remarks to Evangelical Pharmacists Association Lamenting FDA Approval of "Plan B" Slut Vitamins
08.23.2006: President Defends Senator George Allen From Vicious, Baseless Racism Charges by Stupid, Filthy Monkey People
08.22.2006: Postcards to Vice President Cheney From Poor, Demented Lunatic Impersonating the 100% DEAD Former CEO of Enron
08.19.2006: Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki Heaps Heartfelt Thanks Upon America and its Super-Competent Occupiers
08.16.2006: President Bush Thanks National Counterterrorism Center for Helping to Make America a Safer Police State
08.15.2006: VJ Day 2006: Celebrate America's Harmonious 150 Year Alliance With Japan by Downloading Handsome Diplomatic Posters!
08.14.2006: President Celebrates Government's Ultra-Constitutional Purchase of Gargantuan Monument to Christ's Murder by Jews
08.11.2006: President Laments Devastating Economic Repercussions of His Shortened Vacation on Photogenic Rednecks of Crawford, Texas
08.08.2006: President Offers Heartfelt Condolences to Joe Lieberman on His Vicious Political Lynching by Sissy-Assed Anti-Killing Yankees
08.04.2006: President's Formal Statement on the (Hopefully Fatal) Rectal Plague Afflicting Commie Hairball Fidel Castro
08.02.2006: ATTENTION KIDS OF ALL AGES: Check Out the Official Guide to Israeli-American Playground Dispute Resolution
07.30.2006: "In God We Trust" at 50: President's Remarks to Concerned Women for America Celebrating Golden Wedding Anniversary of Church & State
07.27.2006: BEAT THE HEAT: First Lady Laura Bush Shares Her Refreshing Tips for Enduring Oppressive Summer Temperatures
07.25.2006: A PLAN FOR THE MIDDLE EAST: President Bush Reveals Four Point Strategy to Fulfill Biblical Prophecy in the Holy Land
07.21.2006: Embracing the NAACP: President Bush Delivers Historic Address to Woo America's Richest & Most Powerful Coloreds
07.19.2006: In His First-Ever Veto, President Bush Bravely Protects America's Womb Boogers From Homicidal Parkinson's Nazis
07.18.2006: SCUFFLE IN THE MIDDLE EAST: President Assures Public That Unfolding Apocalypse in Jewtown & Allahstan is No Biggie
07.17.2006: 2006 G-8 SUMMIT: President Bush Presents Brilliantly Insightful and Nuanced Ideas to Eliminate World's Thorniest Problems
07.15.2006: MEDIA ALERT: Press Secretary Tony Snow Releases Useful and Informative "Headline Helper" for the Week of July 9 - 15, 2006
07.12.2006: Secretary Chertoff Releases Updated List of American Treasures in SEVERE Danger of Attack by Bloodthirsty Hordes of Muslamiac Madmen
07.11.2006: PATRIOT ALERT: Demand That Liberal Journalists Cease Their Ignorant Criticisms of President Bush's 100% Perfect Immigration Policy
07.09.2006: Transcipt of President Bush's Remote Videoconference Eulogy for Enron CEO Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay
07.06.2006: PRESIDENT BUSH CELEBRATES 60th BIRTHDAY: All Neoconservative Über-Patriots are Invited to a Very Special Party
07.05.2006: NORTH KOREAN MISSILE CRISIS: Private Note From Loathsome Pygmy Evildoer Kim Jong Il to President Bush
07.03.2006: INDEPENDENCE DAY 2006: Celebrate the 230th Anniversary of America's Victory Over Sissy Limeys With Awesome Pro-USA Gear!
06.30.2006: Elvis Presley and the Presidency: A Look Back at Executive Branch Connections to the So-Called "King of Rock and Roll"
06.29.2006: President Bravely Reassures Hysterical Masses With Informed, Articulate Response to Supreme Court Ruling on Guantanamo Tribunals
06.29.2006: President Angrily Denounces Traitorous Pinko New York Times for "Revealing" His Public Promise to Implement Executive Order #13224
06.27.2006: Transcript of President's Chat With Double Amputee WMD Hunter During Totally Non-Grotesquely Exploitative South Lawn Photo Op
06.24.2006: Terror on the Run: Attny. Gen. Gonzales Announces Successful Miami Launch of "Operation Clueless Negro Thoughtcrime Entrapment"
06.22.2006: WORLD CUP 2006: President's Statement on America's Elimination from That Boring "Kickball for Eurofags" Thing
06.20.2006: Join Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice for Invaluable Lessons on Formulating a Rational Foreign Policy Strategy
06.16.2006: MEDIA ALERT: Press Secretary Tony Snow Releases Useful and Informative "Headline Helper" for the Week of June 10 - 16, 2006
06.13.2006: President's Poll-Boosting Remarks to Majorly Pumped-Up Military Grunts During Suprise Visit to the Newly Super-Safe Vietraq
06.10.2006: Vice President Cheney Issues Diplomatic Response to Senator Arlen Specter's Shrill, Childish Letter Protesting Domestic Spying
06.08.2006: MISSION EVEN MORE ACCOMPLISHEDER! President's Solemn Remarks Celebrating the Slaughter of Osama al Zar Laden, Jr.
06.05.2006: President Reassures Fellow Loving Christians of His Commitment to Oppress America's Repulsive Dykes and Faggots
06.03.2006: CHRISTIAN PARENTING ALERT: Help Prevent the Devil's Resurrection – What To Do If Your Child is Born on 06-06-06
05.31.2006: President Bush's Private Congratulations Message to Newly Sworn-In CIA Director General Michael Hayden
05.28.2006: Transcript of Late-Night Phone Call Between President Bush and Cruelly Persecuted CEO Ethics Posterchild Kenneth Lay
05.23.2006: Miss Mary Cheney, Blissfully Well-Adjusted Second Daughter, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
05.19.2006: THE DARFUR CRISIS: Download the Official Poster to Support President Bush's Ultra-Compassionate Genocide Policy!
05.15.2006: Transcript of President's Live Address to the Nation to Unveil Bold New Ideas on that Immigration Reform Stuff
05.13.2006: AMERICA'S CHRISTIAN KIDS ARE WONDERING: Does the Lord Jesus Christ Watch Me Pull Down My Pants and Go Poopy?
05.09.2006: President Bush Issues Calm, Diplomatic Response to Historic Letter from Iranistanian President Mammoo Amma-lamma-whatshisface
05.04.2006: President Responds to Bill Clinton's Communist Plot to Deny America's Youth the FREEDOM® to be Diabetes-Ravaged Lardasses
05.01.2006: President Demands That America's Slave Class Sing National Anthem in Jesus' Language Instead of Mumbo-Jumbo Mexicanese
04.26.2006: PATRIOT ACTION ALERT: Download the Official Poster to Show Your Support For President Bush's Inspired Energy Policy
04.23.2006: The Reverend Doctor Jerry Falwell, Executive Director of Global Policy, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
04.20.2006: President Exchanges Toasts With Sneaky, Uncooperative Head of Communist Nation Which Owns America Lock, Stock, and Barrel
04.18.2006: PHOTO ESSAY: First Lady Laura Bush Shares Her Favorite Moments From the 2006 White House Easter Egg Roll
04.17.2006: Defending Sec. Rumsfeld: President Refutes Treasonous Criticism from Generals Who Are Just Too Wussy-Assed to Re-Up and Waste More Ragheads
04.15.2006: Commemorating the 1976th Anniversary of Jesus Christ's Magical Reanimation Into an Über-Righteous Zombie of Salvation
04.11.2006: Brian J. Doyle, Homeland Security Senior Official, Takes Your Questions in a Special "Ask the White House" Chat
04.07.2006: Press Briefing by Scott McClellan That is Actually a Wondrous Fantasmo-Magical Dream Induced by Eating Spicy Tacos
04.04.2006: Transcript of President Bush's Phone Call of Concerned Support to Mercilessly Tormented Congressnegro Cynthia McKinney
04.03.2006: TRUE PATRIOT ACTION ALERT: Help Lobby God on Behalf of Indicted Ethics Posterchild Tom DeLay by Reciting "The Hammer's Prayer"
03.30.2006: President Commemorates Silver Anniversary of Botched Reagan Shooting Which Nearly Begat a Gloriously Elongated Bush Reign
03.28.2006: President Bush Releases Inspired Staffing Plan to Infuse His Administration With "Fresh Thinking" and "New Blood"
03.23.2006: President Denounces Afghan Death Sentence for Smart Fella Who Converted to the One and Only True Version of God
03.19.2006: President's Ruminations on the Three Year Anniversary of America's Super-Successful Freedomizationizing of Vietraq
03.15.2006: President Sends Heartfelt Thank You Letter to First Nephew Pierce Bush for His Mature and Articulate Public Support
03.11.2006: President Expresses Shock and Dismay Over Senior Token Negro's Failure to Practice Bush Doctrine of Discreet Larceny
03.05.2006: Pakistan 2006: President's Statement Summarizing His Hugely Successful & Effective Visit With Trongs of Adoring Pakistazis
03.03.2006: President Bush Grants India Lucrative Contract for Outsourcing of America's Defecation on Nukular Nonproliferation Treaties
03.01.2006: President's Remarks During Top-Secret, Unannounced, 240 Minute Pit Stop in the Massively Stable Nation of Afghanistan
02.27.2006: ATTENTION PATRIOTIC KIDS: Learn Social Graces and Maturity by Reviewing President Bush's World-Famous Nickname List
02.24.2006: President's Remarks on Totally Safe Fire Sale of American Ports to Arab Nation We're Desperately Trying to Bribe Into Not Blowing Us Up
02.14.2006: Vice President Cheney Cordially Invites Like-Minded Hunting Safety Enthusiasts to Join "Deadeye Dick's Gun Club"
02.10.2006: Ann Coulter, Esteemed Public Reeducation Special Operative, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
02.05.2006: Transcript of President's Powwow With So-Called Prophet Moohammed to Discuss Cartoon-Induced World War III
02.01.2006: President Bush's Private Congratulations Message to Newly Confirmed U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito
01.31.2006: The 2006 State of the Union Address: Complete Transcript of President Bush's Speech to Congress and the Nation
01.26.2006: ARAB DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH: President Warns Palestiniac Allah Freaks to Play Nice With Israeloid Yahweh Freaks
01.23.2006: President's Remarks to the National Coal Miner Wives Association Announcing Compassionate New Survivor Benefits
01.19.2006: Official White House Response to Newly Released Audio Tape Statement and Truce Offer From Osama bin Hussein
01.14.2006: President Pledges To Personally Hunt Down Sniveling Bureaucrat Who Spilled the Beans About Totally Legal Spying on Citizens
01.11.2006: President Berates New York Times for Revealing the Super-Duper-Classified Military Secret That Our Troops in Iraq are Sitting Ducks
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001
Events Calendar

In keeping with requirements of the ill-conceived Freedom of Information Act, President Bush's personal schedule and public appearances for the coming week are provided below:

SUNDAY:

MORNING:
8:00 - 3 Miles on Treadmill
9:00 - Church
11:00 - Policy Review w/ Karl

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Fund-Raising Lunch
1:30 - Event: Christen launch of Navy cargo barge USS George H.W. Bush
3:00 - Nap
5:00 - Flashcard Geography Lesson w/ Condi

EVENING:
8:00 - Watch O'Reilly Factor
9:00 - "Laura Time"
9:20 - Bed

MONDAY:

MORNING:
8:00 - Jazzercise
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Public Speaking Tutor

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Strategy Lunch
1:00 - Event: Preside over ribbon-cutting ceremony for Yellowstone National Park Circumferential Snowmobile Expressway.
3:30 - Nap
5:00 - Leak Rumors to Limbaugh

EVENING:
8:00 - Read Pages 10-15: Life & Times of Teddy Roosevelt (Cliff's Notes)
9:00 - "Barney Time"
9:20 - Bed

TUESDAY:

MORNING:
8:00 - Trampoline Aerobics
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - "Bi-Partisan Breakfast" (Ha!)
11:00 - Breakfast Post-Mortem w/ Dr. Bill & Dennis

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Heritage Foundation Lunch
1:30 - Rose Garden Ceremony: A Very Special Tribute to Ron Reagan Jr.
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Trim Cuticles

EVENING:
8:00 - Shred Enron Documents
9:00 - "Jenna Time" Call
9:10 - Bed

WEDNESDAY:

MORNING:
8:00 - Sauna
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled Telephone Mano a Mano w/ Karen Hughes
11:00 - Speech Rehearsal

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - Petrochemical Millionaire's Club Luncheon
1:30 - Officiate at National Rifle Association AK-47 Appreciation Parade
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Head Measuring for New Stetson

EVENING:
8:00 - Narcotics Anonymous Meeting
9:00 - "Barbara Time" Call
9:10 - Bed

THURSDAY:

MORNING:
8:00 - Tae-Bo
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled Mano a Mano w/ Karen Hughes
11:00 - Weekly Status Report Due on Cheney's Desk

AFTERNOON:
12:00 - All-white meat luncheon at Bob Jones University
1:30 - Personal Portfolio Review w/ Paul O'Neil
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Circle Jerk w/ Tony Blair & Vincente Fox

EVENING:
6:00 - Dinner at the Gingrich's
8:00 - Line Dancing in the East Room
9:00 - Mom & Dad Call
11:45 - Bed

FRIDAY:

PERSONAL DAY - CRAWFORD, TX

SATURDAY:

PERSONAL DAY - CRAWFORD, TX


BEHOLD! Quality Books From the Writers of WHITEHOUSE.ORG, Landover Baptist & Betty Bowers: