Whitehouse.org is the officious web site for the White House and President George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States.


2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001

12.30.2006: SADDAM HUSSEIN EXECUTED: President's Statement Celebrating the Awesome Snuffing Out of America's Most Hated Sand Coon
12.30.2006: PATRIOTIC KIDS CONTEST! Draw Saddam Hussein Dying and Win an Authentic Executioner's Ski Mask!
12.29.2006: Remembering Gerry Ford: President Bush Mourns Loss of Innovative Bestower of Felony-Erasing Pardons
12.27.2006: Gerald Ford Dead at 93: Breaking News as Delivered by Shining Beacon of Tabloid Quality
12.18.2006: BarneyCam 2006: Join Barney Bush for a Festive Romp Around the Jesus-Flavored White House
12.15.2006: Holiday Flashback: Enjoy a Very 1970's Christmas Greeting From America's Super-Wholesome Royal Family
12.12.2006: THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS: Mrs. Betty Bowers, Spiritual Advisor to the President, Reports From the Front Lines
12.09.2006: Vice President Cheney and his Wife Offer Very Special Holiday Wishes to Their Christian Taliban Base
12.07.2006: President's Statement on Bitchy Report From Crusty Old Geezers Intent on Losing the Awesomely Prosecuted War on Evil
12.04.2006: Poppy Bush Expresses Effusive, Non-Wimpy Pride in His Prodigal Son's #1 Smash Hit War
12.01.2006: President Makes Triumphant Return From Mega-Successful Summit With Annoyingly Willful Puppet Who Blew Him Off
11.28.2006: FIRST TWINS 25th BIRTHDAY: Vacation Update From Family Values Poster Children Jenna and The Other One
11.25.2006: President Bush Proudly Appoints Dr. Eric Keroack as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Wayward Vagina Containment
11.23.2006: THANKSGIVING 2006: President's Sincere and Heartfelt Prayer of Thanks to America's Official (Christian) God
11.19.2006: VIETNAM 2006: President's Remarks During Layover in Puny, Dirt-Poor Backwater That Allegedly Whooped America's Superpower Ass
11.15.2006: President's Statement Welcoming Back Senator Trent Lott as the True Face of the Republican Party
11.12.2006: Notice From Poppy Bush Unilaterally Amending President's Eight-Year Lease on the Levers of Global Hegemony
11.11.2006: President's Veterans Day Address to Retired Shrapnel Sponges Savoring Elimination of Sissy-Man Benefits
11.08.2006: ELECTION THUMPIN' 2006: President's Conciliatory Remarks Begging Terrorist-Fellating Liberals Not to Impeach His Ass
11.08.2006: Transcript of Donald Rumsfeld's Call Informing the President of His Desire To Spend More Time Bombing His Family
11.07.2006: VOTE PARTY-LINE REPUBLICAN: Or Hysterical Liberal Feminist Nancy Pelosi Will CASTRATE America!
11.06.2006: BEWARE THE BRAYING ASS: President Explains What Voters Can Expect From a Democratic Congress
11.04.2006: Mrs. Bush's Birthday: Read the President's Heartfelt Birthday Poem to America's Greatest-Ever First Lady
11.03.2006: Mrs. Betty Bowers, White House Spiritual Advisor, Offers Christian Concern to Pastor Ted Faggard
11.02.2006: PUSH POLLING IN ACTION: See Karl Rove's Informative Surveys for 2006 Senate Battleground Races
11.01.2006: VOTER ALERT: Does Virginia Democrat Jim Webb's Bizarre, Deviant Pornography Represent Your Values?
11.01.2006: HOCKING LUGIES IN SOLDIERS' FACES: Decoding John Kerry's America-Hating Liberal Doublespeak
10.29.2006: Transcript of the President's Poetic, Confidence-Inspiring Stump Speech on Behalf of Congressional Republicans
10.27.2006: Second Lady Lynne Cheney Vehemently Denies Repulsive Charges That She Writes Hot & Heavy Lesbo Smut
10.27.2006: VOTER ALERT: Learn the Dark, Sordid Truth About Tennessee Democrat Harold Ford Jr.
10.26.2006: President Warns Iraqazoids That There Are Limits to His Patience With Humiliating and Utterly Hopeless Failure
10.25.2006: MYTH vs. REALITY: Dispelling the Shameless Pre-Election Lies of the Defamatory Liberal Spin Machine
10.25.2006: Tony Snow Comments on Seditious Essay by Sniveling Crybaby Brother of FREEDOM Martyr Pat Tillman
10.23.2006: White House Statement on Alex P. Keaton's Flip-Flopping Endorsement of Womb Booger Holocaust
10.20.2006: President Bush Responds to His Sissy Father's Gloomy, Dementia-Ravaged Election Predictions
10.20.2006: Katherine Harris, Universally Beloved Congressperson, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
10.19.2006: WALL STREET WINDFALL: President's Statement on the Record-Breaking Close of the Dow Jones Plutocracy Index
10.19.2006: FOR GOP EYES ONLY: Karl Rove's Official List of "October Surprises" For Impending Congressional Election
10.17.2006: President's Remarks Commemorating God's Successful Creation of the 300,000,000 Most Awesome People on Earth
10.13.2006: President's Statement Regarding Stunning Recent Accomplishments of the "No Child Left Unshot" Initiative
10.10.2006: President's Statement Regarding North Korea's Totally Non-Foreseeable, Non-Negotiable Development of Nukular Weapons
10.08.2006: USS George H. W. Bush Christening: President's Remarks Honoring the Launch of a Bush-Themed Vessel of Mass Destruction
10.06.2006: Transcript of President's Telephone Conversation With America's Ultra-Beloved, Super-Competent Secretary of Defense
10.04.2006: PATRIOTIC CAMPAIGN POSTERS: Show Your Unflappable Support for Morally Spotless Decency Czar Mark Foley
10.04.2006: Myth vs. Fact: Setting the Record Straight on the Libelous Falsehoods Riddling Bob Woodward's State of Denial
10.01.2006: Speaker Dennis Hastert Dispatches Emergency Memo to Clarify Confusing Congressional Terminology for House Pages
09.29.2006: Senator George Allen, Virginia's Pillar of Inclusiveness, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
09.27.2006: President's Notes From Super-Productive Diplomatic Dinner With Arabiac Leaders Pervez Musharraf and Hamid Karzai
09.26.2006: President's Statement on Pentagon Decision to Extend Soldiers' Mandatory Vacations in Sunny, America-Friendly Vietraq
09.24.2006: PATRIOTIC READING: Exclusive Excerpt From Pakistarian General Pervez Musharraf's New Autobiography
09.22.2006: SECURITY ALERT: Help Protect America: Track Suspicious Persons From ANYWHERE Using the NSA Super Spy-O-Matic
09.19.2006: President's Call to Pope Benedict XVI Sharing Brilliant Insights on Placating Evil, Subhuman Muslamoid Trash
09.17.2006: President Bush Urges Voters to Declare Patriotic Surrender to the Great Spinach Mega-Panic of 2006
09.15.2006: President Bush Delivers Heartfelt Eulogy for Cheap, Brassy Family Nemesis Ann Richards
09.13.2006: RHODE ISLAND PRIMARY: Vice President Cheney Congratulates the Great Republican Senator Chafee's Annoying, Faggy Son
09.11.2006: PATRIOT DAY 2006: President Addresses Nation from Oval Office on Fifth Anniversary Of Fortuitous Political Windfall
09.10.2006: Script Excerpts of Deleted Scenes from ABC's Fair & Balanced Docu-Drama, The Path to 9/11TM
09.06.2006: Today's Patriotic Christian Kids Want to Know: Why Doesn't Our Loving Lord Jesus Just Zap All the Evildoers?
09.02.2006: Transcript of President's Phone Call Declining Debate Invitation From Iranistanian Madman Mammoo Allah-Lamma-Ding-Dong
08.31.2006: Second Lady Lynne Cheney's Remarks Welcoming Xena: Celestial Princess to America's Solar System
08.29.2006: President Trumpets Miraculous Transformation of Devastated Gulf Coast into Fabulous Real Estate Opportunities
08.26.2006: President's Remarks to Evangelical Pharmacists Association Lamenting FDA Approval of "Plan B" Slut Vitamins
08.23.2006: President Defends Senator George Allen From Vicious, Baseless Racism Charges by Stupid, Filthy Monkey People
08.22.2006: Postcards to Vice President Cheney From Poor, Demented Lunatic Impersonating the 100% DEAD Former CEO of Enron
08.19.2006: Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki Heaps Heartfelt Thanks Upon America and its Super-Competent Occupiers
08.16.2006: President Bush Thanks National Counterterrorism Center for Helping to Make America a Safer Police State
08.15.2006: VJ Day 2006: Celebrate America's Harmonious 150 Year Alliance With Japan by Downloading Handsome Diplomatic Posters!
08.14.2006: President Celebrates Government's Ultra-Constitutional Purchase of Gargantuan Monument to Christ's Murder by Jews
08.11.2006: President Laments Devastating Economic Repercussions of His Shortened Vacation on Photogenic Rednecks of Crawford, Texas
08.08.2006: President Offers Heartfelt Condolences to Joe Lieberman on His Vicious Political Lynching by Sissy-Assed Anti-Killing Yankees
08.04.2006: President's Formal Statement on the (Hopefully Fatal) Rectal Plague Afflicting Commie Hairball Fidel Castro
08.02.2006: ATTENTION KIDS OF ALL AGES: Check Out the Official Guide to Israeli-American Playground Dispute Resolution
07.30.2006: "In God We Trust" at 50: President's Remarks to Concerned Women for America Celebrating Golden Wedding Anniversary of Church & State
07.27.2006: BEAT THE HEAT: First Lady Laura Bush Shares Her Refreshing Tips for Enduring Oppressive Summer Temperatures
07.25.2006: A PLAN FOR THE MIDDLE EAST: President Bush Reveals Four Point Strategy to Fulfill Biblical Prophecy in the Holy Land
07.21.2006: Embracing the NAACP: President Bush Delivers Historic Address to Woo America's Richest & Most Powerful Coloreds
07.19.2006: In His First-Ever Veto, President Bush Bravely Protects America's Womb Boogers From Homicidal Parkinson's Nazis
07.18.2006: SCUFFLE IN THE MIDDLE EAST: President Assures Public That Unfolding Apocalypse in Jewtown & Allahstan is No Biggie
07.17.2006: 2006 G-8 SUMMIT: President Bush Presents Brilliantly Insightful and Nuanced Ideas to Eliminate World's Thorniest Problems
07.15.2006: MEDIA ALERT: Press Secretary Tony Snow Releases Useful and Informative "Headline Helper" for the Week of July 9 - 15, 2006
07.12.2006: Secretary Chertoff Releases Updated List of American Treasures in SEVERE Danger of Attack by Bloodthirsty Hordes of Muslamiac Madmen
07.11.2006: PATRIOT ALERT: Demand That Liberal Journalists Cease Their Ignorant Criticisms of President Bush's 100% Perfect Immigration Policy
07.09.2006: Transcipt of President Bush's Remote Videoconference Eulogy for Enron CEO Kenneth "Kenny Boy" Lay
07.06.2006: PRESIDENT BUSH CELEBRATES 60th BIRTHDAY: All Neoconservative Über-Patriots are Invited to a Very Special Party
07.05.2006: NORTH KOREAN MISSILE CRISIS: Private Note From Loathsome Pygmy Evildoer Kim Jong Il to President Bush
07.03.2006: INDEPENDENCE DAY 2006: Celebrate the 230th Anniversary of America's Victory Over Sissy Limeys With Awesome Pro-USA Gear!
06.30.2006: Elvis Presley and the Presidency: A Look Back at Executive Branch Connections to the So-Called "King of Rock and Roll"
06.29.2006: President Bravely Reassures Hysterical Masses With Informed, Articulate Response to Supreme Court Ruling on Guantanamo Tribunals
06.29.2006: President Angrily Denounces Traitorous Pinko New York Times for "Revealing" His Public Promise to Implement Executive Order #13224
06.27.2006: Transcript of President's Chat With Double Amputee WMD Hunter During Totally Non-Grotesquely Exploitative South Lawn Photo Op
06.24.2006: Terror on the Run: Attny. Gen. Gonzales Announces Successful Miami Launch of "Operation Clueless Negro Thoughtcrime Entrapment"
06.22.2006: WORLD CUP 2006: President's Statement on America's Elimination from That Boring "Kickball for Eurofags" Thing
06.20.2006: Join Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice for Invaluable Lessons on Formulating a Rational Foreign Policy Strategy
06.16.2006: MEDIA ALERT: Press Secretary Tony Snow Releases Useful and Informative "Headline Helper" for the Week of June 10 - 16, 2006
06.13.2006: President's Poll-Boosting Remarks to Majorly Pumped-Up Military Grunts During Suprise Visit to the Newly Super-Safe Vietraq
06.10.2006: Vice President Cheney Issues Diplomatic Response to Senator Arlen Specter's Shrill, Childish Letter Protesting Domestic Spying
06.08.2006: MISSION EVEN MORE ACCOMPLISHEDER! President's Solemn Remarks Celebrating the Slaughter of Osama al Zar Laden, Jr.
06.05.2006: President Reassures Fellow Loving Christians of His Commitment to Oppress America's Repulsive Dykes and Faggots
06.03.2006: CHRISTIAN PARENTING ALERT: Help Prevent the Devil's Resurrection – What To Do If Your Child is Born on 06-06-06
05.31.2006: President Bush's Private Congratulations Message to Newly Sworn-In CIA Director General Michael Hayden
05.28.2006: Transcript of Late-Night Phone Call Between President Bush and Cruelly Persecuted CEO Ethics Posterchild Kenneth Lay
05.23.2006: Miss Mary Cheney, Blissfully Well-Adjusted Second Daughter, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
05.19.2006: THE DARFUR CRISIS: Download the Official Poster to Support President Bush's Ultra-Compassionate Genocide Policy!
05.15.2006: Transcript of President's Live Address to the Nation to Unveil Bold New Ideas on that Immigration Reform Stuff
05.13.2006: AMERICA'S CHRISTIAN KIDS ARE WONDERING: Does the Lord Jesus Christ Watch Me Pull Down My Pants and Go Poopy?
05.09.2006: President Bush Issues Calm, Diplomatic Response to Historic Letter from Iranistanian President Mammoo Amma-lamma-whatshisface
05.04.2006: President Responds to Bill Clinton's Communist Plot to Deny America's Youth the FREEDOM® to be Diabetes-Ravaged Lardasses
05.01.2006: President Demands That America's Slave Class Sing National Anthem in Jesus' Language Instead of Mumbo-Jumbo Mexicanese
04.26.2006: PATRIOT ACTION ALERT: Download the Official Poster to Show Your Support For President Bush's Inspired Energy Policy
04.23.2006: The Reverend Doctor Jerry Falwell, Executive Director of Global Policy, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
04.20.2006: President Exchanges Toasts With Sneaky, Uncooperative Head of Communist Nation Which Owns America Lock, Stock, and Barrel
04.18.2006: PHOTO ESSAY: First Lady Laura Bush Shares Her Favorite Moments From the 2006 White House Easter Egg Roll
04.17.2006: Defending Sec. Rumsfeld: President Refutes Treasonous Criticism from Generals Who Are Just Too Wussy-Assed to Re-Up and Waste More Ragheads
04.15.2006: Commemorating the 1976th Anniversary of Jesus Christ's Magical Reanimation Into an Über-Righteous Zombie of Salvation
04.11.2006: Brian J. Doyle, Homeland Security Senior Official, Takes Your Questions in a Special "Ask the White House" Chat
04.07.2006: Press Briefing by Scott McClellan That is Actually a Wondrous Fantasmo-Magical Dream Induced by Eating Spicy Tacos
04.04.2006: Transcript of President Bush's Phone Call of Concerned Support to Mercilessly Tormented Congressnegro Cynthia McKinney
04.03.2006: TRUE PATRIOT ACTION ALERT: Help Lobby God on Behalf of Indicted Ethics Posterchild Tom DeLay by Reciting "The Hammer's Prayer"
03.30.2006: President Commemorates Silver Anniversary of Botched Reagan Shooting Which Nearly Begat a Gloriously Elongated Bush Reign
03.28.2006: President Bush Releases Inspired Staffing Plan to Infuse His Administration With "Fresh Thinking" and "New Blood"
03.23.2006: President Denounces Afghan Death Sentence for Smart Fella Who Converted to the One and Only True Version of God
03.19.2006: President's Ruminations on the Three Year Anniversary of America's Super-Successful Freedomizationizing of Vietraq
03.15.2006: President Sends Heartfelt Thank You Letter to First Nephew Pierce Bush for His Mature and Articulate Public Support
03.11.2006: President Expresses Shock and Dismay Over Senior Token Negro's Failure to Practice Bush Doctrine of Discreet Larceny
03.05.2006: Pakistan 2006: President's Statement Summarizing His Hugely Successful & Effective Visit With Trongs of Adoring Pakistazis
03.03.2006: President Bush Grants India Lucrative Contract for Outsourcing of America's Defecation on Nukular Nonproliferation Treaties
03.01.2006: President's Remarks During Top-Secret, Unannounced, 240 Minute Pit Stop in the Massively Stable Nation of Afghanistan
02.27.2006: ATTENTION PATRIOTIC KIDS: Learn Social Graces and Maturity by Reviewing President Bush's World-Famous Nickname List
02.24.2006: President's Remarks on Totally Safe Fire Sale of American Ports to Arab Nation We're Desperately Trying to Bribe Into Not Blowing Us Up
02.14.2006: Vice President Cheney Cordially Invites Like-Minded Hunting Safety Enthusiasts to Join "Deadeye Dick's Gun Club"
02.10.2006: Ann Coulter, Esteemed Public Reeducation Special Operative, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
02.05.2006: Transcript of President's Powwow With So-Called Prophet Moohammed to Discuss Cartoon-Induced World War III
02.01.2006: President Bush's Private Congratulations Message to Newly Confirmed U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito
01.31.2006: The 2006 State of the Union Address: Complete Transcript of President Bush's Speech to Congress and the Nation
01.26.2006: ARAB DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH: President Warns Palestiniac Allah Freaks to Play Nice With Israeloid Yahweh Freaks
01.23.2006: President's Remarks to the National Coal Miner Wives Association Announcing Compassionate New Survivor Benefits
01.19.2006: Official White House Response to Newly Released Audio Tape Statement and Truce Offer From Osama bin Hussein
01.14.2006: President Pledges To Personally Hunt Down Sniveling Bureaucrat Who Spilled the Beans About Totally Legal Spying on Citizens
01.11.2006: President Berates New York Times for Revealing the Super-Duper-Classified Military Secret That Our Troops in Iraq are Sitting Ducks
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001
Events Calendar

In keeping with requirements of the ill-conceived Freedom of Information Act, President Bush's personal schedule and public appearances for the coming week are provided below:


8:00 - 3 Miles on Treadmill
9:00 - Church
11:00 - Policy Review w/ Karl

12:00 - Fund-Raising Lunch
1:30 - Event: Christen launch of Navy cargo barge USS George H.W. Bush
3:00 - Nap
5:00 - Flashcard Geography Lesson w/ Condi

8:00 - Watch O'Reilly Factor
9:00 - "Laura Time"
9:20 - Bed


8:00 - Jazzercise
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Public Speaking Tutor

12:00 - Strategy Lunch
1:00 - Event: Preside over ribbon-cutting ceremony for Yellowstone National Park Circumferential Snowmobile Expressway.
3:30 - Nap
5:00 - Leak Rumors to Limbaugh

8:00 - Read Pages 10-15: Life & Times of Teddy Roosevelt (Cliff's Notes)
9:00 - "Barney Time"
9:20 - Bed


8:00 - Trampoline Aerobics
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - "Bi-Partisan Breakfast" (Ha!)
11:00 - Breakfast Post-Mortem w/ Dr. Bill & Dennis

12:00 - Heritage Foundation Lunch
1:30 - Rose Garden Ceremony: A Very Special Tribute to Ron Reagan Jr.
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Trim Cuticles

8:00 - Shred Enron Documents
9:00 - "Jenna Time" Call
9:10 - Bed


8:00 - Sauna
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled Telephone Mano a Mano w/ Karen Hughes
11:00 - Speech Rehearsal

12:00 - Petrochemical Millionaire's Club Luncheon
1:30 - Officiate at National Rifle Association AK-47 Appreciation Parade
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Head Measuring for New Stetson

8:00 - Narcotics Anonymous Meeting
9:00 - "Barbara Time" Call
9:10 - Bed


8:00 - Tae-Bo
9:00 - Prayer Squad
10:00 - Sexual Tension-Filled Mano a Mano w/ Karen Hughes
11:00 - Weekly Status Report Due on Cheney's Desk

12:00 - All-white meat luncheon at Bob Jones University
1:30 - Personal Portfolio Review w/ Paul O'Neil
3:00 - Nap
5:30 - Circle Jerk w/ Tony Blair & Vincente Fox

6:00 - Dinner at the Gingrich's
8:00 - Line Dancing in the East Room
9:00 - Mom & Dad Call
11:45 - Bed





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