PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT EXPRESSING PROFOUND SORROW OVER HURRICANE KATRINA'S VICIOUS ASSAULT ON HIS PAID FIVE WEEK VACATION
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, thank you. As one or two of you may heard by now, there seems to have
been a little rain storm or something down on the Northern Gulf Coast.
Now when my people first told me how something real bad was happening, and there was like, total hardcore death and
destruction, I had an awful tough Presidential choice to make. Should I do a 9/11TM –
and skedaddle as far away as I could in my giant, super-safe plane? Or should I do like I did
with that Asiatic Tsunammy thing, and just ignore it
for a couple days? Well today I'm proud to inform the American people that they're really getting
their money's worth with me – on account of I pulled out all the stops and did BOTH!
(Applause.)
And while I was at it, I even managed to squeeze in a little American Idol
action. Man was I kicking myself that I left my Nero costume back at the ranch!
(Applause.)
Unfortunately, no matter how hard I focus on other stuff, like shredding it up on my rad $3000 Trek, this
darned "Katrina" has everybody hollering at me to get back to Warshington DC! They say I oughtta at least
look like I'm working – for once. To which I say: can't an entitled old-money plutocrat get
a damned five week vacation anymore?! And here I was so close to shattering Ronnie Raygun's vacation record!
But I'm not complaining. I'll go. And what God hath wrought through Katrina, I will heal with soaring, noble
rhetoric that will soothe the millions of concerned Americans whose post 9/11TM
orgy of haughty, holier-than-thou consumerism has been cruelly interrupted by this demonstration of
human frailty in the face of Mother Nature... a term I use loosely, since we all know that "weather"
is just my buddy Jesus blowing His big Jewish honker.
But hear me good folks: next year, I don't care if every last pinko liberal
metropolis in this country gets slammed with thousand megaton nukular warheads – I will be taking however
much vacation time I think I've got coming to me. And yes, it will include an extra week – this here
one I'm losing!
Thank you.
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White House Information:
