Dr. Senator Bill Frist
509 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
August 4, 2005
Dear Bill,
Please know that I am real disappointed to hear that you've totally flip-flopped, and
are now actively pushing a bill to extend federal financing of research on those
bionic stem cell things. And here I was so certain that you'd finally turned your back
on that so-called "legitimate medicine" mumbo-jumbo after you joined me and Jebber and Tom
DeLay in forcibly keeping that Florida vegetard plugged in to her smoothie machine.
Oh well, I guess I can't really blame you. I know how hard it can be when Nancy Reagan
calls, all zonked out on Valium, begging and blubbering about "Ronnie" and whatever stem
cell miracle appeared in her tea leaves that week. And unlike my family, you don't have
over 25 years of experience being gleefully passive aggressive to that stuck-up lizard bitch.
But you must have another reason for betraying me, right? Is it to score points with mythological "moderate"
voters? To prove you've got some peach fuzz on that little Princetonian sack of yours? Or is it
simply to get back into the laboratory murder
game you've always loved so much? Well whatever it is, I strongly recommend you forget
about it – and take a crash refresher course in Stem Cells 101 at the Laura Bush Science Academy
instead.
I know you're hoping I won't veto your bill – on account of I'm already a lame duck.
Well I will. After all, I have to think about maintaining my image for my next career –
making six figures an hour spouting McJesus Patrio-Porn at tongues-talking mega-churches.
So tell you what Bill – you keep your sicko doctor claws off America's womb boogers,
and I'll think about endorsing you to the Christian Taliban in 2008.
Let me know...
White House Information:
Dr. Senator Bill Frist
