SCOTT McCLELLAN DIRECTS NEWSWEEK MAGAZINE TO IMMEDIATELY CEASE AND DESIST INFRINGING PRESIDENT BUSH'S PATENT FOR THE MASS ENRAGEMENT OF MUSLAMIAN WACKOS
Mr. Richard M. Smith
Chairman, President & Editor-in-Chief
Newsweek Magazine
251 West 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
May 17, 2005
Dear Mr. Smith,
I represent White House, Inc. and its President & CEO, George W. Bush.
It has come to our attention that information contained within the May 9, 2005 issue of your publication,
Newsweek Magazine, infringes Mr. Bush's U.S. Patent #5,783,346, which covers "Fail-Safe
Systems for the Mass Enragement of Muslamian Religious Wackos."
As you are no doubt aware, this groundbreaking patent includes, but is not limited to such specific
innovations as "exploitation of politically-manipulated
intelligence to declare pre-preemptive war against unsaved sub-humans, long-term occupation of xenophobic
desert backwaters by a culturally bankrupt Christian crusader force, waging fierce offensives inside ancient,
ultra-sacred cemeteries, and subjecting Muslamiac prisoners of war to compulsory, ultra-hot homoerotic role-playing
and rape room photo shoots, as well as punitive feminization through forced transvestitism and the application
of cooter blood facials."
Please note, however, that the President's patent also explicitly covers "the violent infuriation of poor Arabiac
trash via any socioeconomic or military-industrial process which successfully denigrates their inferior
mega-cult devoted to foolishly worshipping the wrong invisible man who lives in the clouds."
Your magazine, in printing descriptions of a so-called "Koran" book being granted the privilege of
consorting with Christian excrement, successfully infuriates Muslamoid peoples due to perceived denigration
of their bizarre, inferior theology. As such, there can be no dispute that this content unlawfully
infringes President Bush's patent.
In addition to pursuing whatever additional rights it may have under law, White House, Inc.
demands you cease and desist your infringement, as well as issue a prompt retraction of the aforementioned
declaration. Please note that any future instances will be considered willful violation of the intellectual
property rights of President George W. Bush, and can and will be prosecuted to
the fullest extent of the law.
Yours Sincerely,
Scott McClellan
Secretary of Journalistic Integrity
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