FROM: John Bolton
Nominee, US Ambassador to the United Nations
c/o The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500

RE: Our Happy Collaboration

March 13, 2005

Dear Fellow UN Envoys,

Pending my assured confirmation by the United States Senate, please know that it will be my great pleasure and honor to join your appalling and useless organization, the total expungement of which by laser-guided explosives would serve as the happiest possible culmination of its unfathomable worthlessness.

I look forward to taking my seat in the General Assembly, and joining my esteemed colleagues of the Security Council, whom it is my intention to expose for the subhuman excrement they can only aspire to become, and ultimately, to flush from the Council's chambers – ideally through a dark chute equipped with rotating knives, terminating in a sewage duct teeming with ravenous vermin.

The mere thought of so many learned diplomats, working together to resolve crises and promote useful dialog among nations, moves me to screech like a banshee while erupting a torrent of ultra-corrosive vomit at supersonic velocity, crushing you like pitiful ants into a vile slick of multi-culti putrescence.

Yours Sincerely,