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THE WHITE HOUSE
Newsroom
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001
12.24.2005: CHRISTMAS 2005: Read First Lady Laura Bush's Festive "State of the Bush Family" Year-End Letter
12.19.2005: Vice President's Holiday Remarks to Troops Serving in That Other Arabiac Wasteland Which Nobody Really Cares About Anymore
12.13.2005: Improving Medicare: President Explains Super-Easy-to-Understand Prescription Drug Program to 100% Non-Baffled Geriatrics
12.08.2005: America's Red-Hot Economy: President Bush Releases Details of His Genius Formula for Spurring Targeted Ultra-Prosperity
12.04.2005: Defending Non-Torture: Secretary Rice Releases Top-Secret Transcript of Friendly Conversation With America-Hating "Ticking Time Bomb"
11.30.2005: President Bush Releases Easy-to-Understand Diagram Summarizing His Inspired Long-Term Strategy for Victory in Vietraq
11.28.2005: Protecting Our Borders: President Announces Bill of Rights for Non-Terrorist Brown Folk Sneaking Into the Nation Of Texas
11.23.2005: 2005 Asiatic Tour: President Bush's Remarks on Democracy and FREEDOM® During Historic Visit to Mongoloidistan
11.19.2005: Vice President Cheney's Remarks Angrily Rebuking Democrats' Inexcusable Transformation into Treasonously Insolent Vertebrates
11.14.2005: ACTION ALERT: Download the Officious Poster to Flaunt Your Unquestioning Acceptance of President Bush's Denial of Torture!
11.10.2005: Transcript of President's Private Meeting With Briefly Estranged Pathological Liar Chickenhawk Soulmate Ahmad Chalabi
11.07.2005: 2005 Latin America Tour: President's Remarks to Adoring Latino-Ricans Marking the End of His Super-Successful Five-Day Visit
11.04.2005: Mr. David S. Addington, Newly Promoted Vice Presidential Chief of Staff, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
11.02.2005: President Unveils Plan to Inoculate Republicans Against Deadly Political Fallout From Impending Peking Duck Plague Holocaust
10.30.2005: ACTION ALERT: Download the Official Patriotic Poster to Prove Your Support for Indicted Vice Presidential Confidant Scooter Libby!
10.26.2005: Letter From Presidential Counsel Harriet Miers Regarding Immediate Withdrawal of Nomination to the United States Supreme Court
10.26.2005: Honoring America's 2000 Dead in Iraq: President's Remarks at Groundbreaking Ceremony for Arlington National Cemetery High Capacity Mega-Crypt
10.19.2005: Transcript Of President Bush's Ultra-Consequential Lunchtime Photo Op With Irishlandian Rock Music Player "Boner"
10.10.2005: Mrs. George W. (Laura) Bush Sends Warm Letter of Congratulations to Fellow First Lady Angela Merkel of Germany
10.06.2005: Robert Novak, Strictly Impartial and Super-Discreet Patrio-Journalist, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
09.30.2005: President Bush's Statement Regarding William J. Bennett's Virtuous (Albeit Off-Message) Solution to the Negro Problem
09.28.2005: TRUE PATRIOT ACTION ALERT: Help Lobby God on Behalf of Indicted Ethics Posterchild Tom DeLay by Reciting "The Hammer's Prayer"
09.21.2005: Cousins Jebby, Jenna, Noelle, Barbara, and George P. Present: "The Bush Family Arrest & Detention Survival Guide"
09.18.2005: PATRIOTIC SWEEPSTAKES ALERT: Enter Now to Win an All-Expenses-Paid Luxury Vacation With President Bush
09.15.2005: Script of President Bush's Scenic Televised Address Unveiling Inspired Plan to Combat Plummeting Post-Hurricane Poll Numbers
09.14.2005: President Bush's Thorough and Insightful Meeting Notes Detailing Urgent Matters Confronting the United Nations Security Council
09.12.2005: Defense Secretary Rumsfeld's Inspiring "Back to School" Statement to America's Youthful Crusaders-in-Training
09.09.2005: COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM IN ACTION: First Mommy Barbara Bush Releases "Houston for the Underprivileged" Tourism Guide
09.07.2005: President's Heartfelt Prayer to Unify America Following His Mega-Competent Administration's Teeny-Tiny New Orleans Oopsie
09.05.2005: Michael D. Brown, Director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, Answers Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
09.01.2005: Responding to Hurricane Katrina: President's Remarks Announcing Extremely Belated Launch of "Operation Bureaucratic Clusterfuck"
08.30.2005: President's Statement Expressing Profound Sorrow Over Hurricane Katrina's Vicious Assault on His Paid Five Week Vacation
08.28.2005: UNDERSTANDING RELIGIOUS CULTS: The U.S. Department of Faith's Handy Guide to Organized Affronts to Christianity
08.25.2005: President Addresses Slavishly Adoring Soldiers to Prove His Gushing Love of Pro-Death, Warrior-Disgorging Military Mommies
08.22.2005: President's Private Note to Rev. Pat Robertson Regarding Freelance Diplomatic Overtures to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
08.18.2005: President Bush Delivers Statement on the Forced Withdrawal of Israeli Religious Zealots From the Gazarian Strip
08.15.2005: President's Remarks Urging America's Little Leaguers to Realize Their Full Potential as Tomorrow's Unquestioning Jesus Commandos
08.12.2005: President's Note to Cindy Sheehan, Grieving Mother of Heroic FREEDOM® Crusader Killed in Utterly Necessary War In Vietraq
08.08.2005: Promoting "Intelligent Design": President Bush Releases Ironclad Scientific Proof of God's Genius Blueprint for Humanity
08.04.2005: President's Private Communication to Flip-Flopping Senator Bill Frist on His Recent Embrace of Embryonic Vivisection
08.01.2005: President Unilaterally Installs Ambassador John Bolton to Kick Off Ultra-Diplomatic Era of United Nations Castration
07.31.2005: President Bush's Remarks to Surviving Attendees of Annual Boy Scout Jesus Jamboree and Super Sausage Hang
07.28.2005: Al Qaeda Cocaine Plot Thwarted, President Reassures Jittery Public of the Safety of America's Booger Sugar Supply
07.25.2005: The Average Iraqi: Ecstatic Beneficiary of American Compassion, Takes Your Questions on "Ask the White House"
07.21.2005: CHRISTIAN PARENTING ALERT: United States Department of Faith Releases Annual List of Recommended Children's Books
07.18.2005: Letter From Deputy Chief of Staff Karl C. Rove to Incarcerated Free Press Martyr Judith Miller of the New York Times
07.15.2005: Jesus Christ: Commander of the Commander in Chief, Stoops to Answer Questions From Lowly Mortals on "Ask the White House"
07.12.2005: ACTION ALERT: Stand Against the Democratic Lynching of Karl Rove! Send a Heartfelt Letter of Support to America's #1 Son!
07.07.2005: WINNING THE SUPER-SUCCESSFUL GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR: President Bush's Statement Following London Transit Bombings
07.01.2005: Letter From Radical Moderate Justice Sandra Day O'Connor Announcing Her Long Overdue Retirement From the US Supreme Court
06.28.2005: In Stirring Address to Nation, President Rekindles America's Love Affair With Getting Its Superpower Ass Kicked in Vietraq
06.25.2005: White House Statement Formally Supporting Senior Advisor Karl Rove's Keen Insights Into the Cancer That is Liberalism
06.21.2005: The So-Called "Downing Street Memo": President Bush Returns Misplaced Classified Addendum to Prime Minister Tony Blair
06.17.2005: Governor Jeb Bush Kicks Off 2008 Campaign With Spirited Farewell Necro-Porking of Politically Invaluable Vegecorpse
06.12.2005: Defending Guantanamo: Secretary Rumsfeld Releases Incontrovertible Proof of American Hospitality at Camp Delta
06.08.2005: JUNE IS "ACTIVIST JUDGE" DEACTIVATION MONTH: Support President Bush's Stated Goal to Decontaminate America's Judiciary
06.03.2005: Black Music Month 2005: President's Remarks to Contemporary Negro McJesus Singers Following Rousing East Room Tent Revival
06.01.2005: President's Statement Regarding Raging Media Snoozefest Over the Unmasking of Geriatric Nixon Era Turncoat "Cock Gargler"
05.23.2005: ATTENTION PATRIOTIC KIDS! Help Barney Teach Miss Beazley How to Keep the White House Safe from Trespassing Liberal Vermin!
05.20.2005: Transcript of President's Surprise Late-Night Meeting With the Ghost of Minority Filibusters Past: Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina
05.17.2005: Scott McClellan Directs Newsweek Magazine to Immediately Cease and Desist Infringing President Bush's Patent for the Mass Enragement of Muslamian Wackos
05.13.2005: Addressing Military Personnel Hurt by Base Closings, President Bush Announces Compassionate New "Don't Bitch, Don't Moan" Policy
05.13.2005: ATTENTION ALL MILITARY PERSONNEL IMPACTED BY LOOMING BASE CLOSURES: Download Your Official Presidential Job Recommendation Now
05.08.2005: Official Transcript of Closed Door Diplomatic Negotiations Between President Bush and His Bestest KGB Hatchet Man Pal, President Vladimir Pooty-Poot
05.03.2005: Oriental/Asiatic Heritage Month 2005: President's Proclamation Professing Respect for America's Exotic and Peculiar Subculture of Chinese-Flavored Peoples
04.30.2005: Transcript of First Lady Laura Bush's Pee-Your-Pants Funny Remarks to Attendees of the 2005 White House Correspondents Dinner
04.25.2005: Crown Prince Abdullah Yields to President Bush's Tough, Non-Negotiable Demand That America Retain the Proud Title of "Saudi Arabia's Thirstiest Oil Bitch"
04.22.2005: Remarks by Second Lady Lynne Cheney to Chicago Christians Huddled at Roadside Shrine to the Virgin Mary's Impenetrable Vagina
04.19.2005: President Sends Warm Congratulations to Pope Benedict XVI on His Saintly Rise From Hitler Youth to CEO of Neverland Ranch Global Holdings, Inc.
04.15.2005: CONGRESSIONAL MEMORANDUM: Majority Leader Tom DeLay Issues Long-Overdue Revisions to U.S. House of Representatives Code of Ethical Conduct
04.13.2005: President Bush and Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon Discuss Details of Bilateral Diplomatic Strategy for the Global Enragement of Muslamian Vermin
04.10.2005: President's Private Note to His Royal Highness Prince Charles on the Happy Occasion of His Sanctified Christian Marriage to a Frumpalicious Homewrecker
04.07.2005: President's Requisite Kind Words Maintaining Formal Protestant Non-Delight Over the Death of Pope John "Peacemongering King of the Boy Humpers" Paul II
04.03.2005: Bankruptcy Reform: President Bush Proudly Announces the Long-Overdue Conscription of Lazy, Good-For-Nothing Sick People into Eternal Corporate Slavery
03.31.2005: President Bush and Congressional Leaders Convene to Pray and Shed Genuine, Non-Crocodile Tears Over the Passing of Old Veggie McWhatserface Down in Florida
03.30.2005: Remarks by First Lady Mrs. George W. Bush Explaining the Importance of That Reading and Education Stuff to Afghanish Girls Attending Kabul University
03.27.2005: President's Easter Statement Commemorating the 1975th Anniversary of Jesus Christ's Magical Reanimation Into an Über-Righteous Zombie of Salvation
03.23.2005: CHRISTIAN PATRIOT ALERT! Use the White House Media Action Center to Berate Liberal Journalists' Shameful Denigration of President Bush's "Culture of Life"
03.19.2005: Saving Terri Schiavo: Presenting Incontrovertible Proof that Every Life Has Worth, President Bush Announces "66 Uses for Persistent Vegetards"
03.16.2005: Karen Hughes, Newly Appointed Undersecretary of Arabiac Reeducation, Unveils Inspired Campaign to Boost Non-Hatred of America By Lunacy-Prone Muslamoids
03.13.2005: UN Ambassador Nominee John Bolton Dispatches Heartfelt Missive Expressing His Famously Blunt Eagerness to Affect Positive Change Within Diplomatic Circles
03.10.2005: The White House Sends Warm Congratulations to Veteran TV Journalist Dan Rather on the Occasion of His Retirement from the CBS Nightly News Anchor Chair
03.07.2005: President Bush Formally Refutes Italy's Absurd Insinuation That American Soldiers Would Ever Intentionally Waste Good Ammo on a Carload of Cowardly Wops
03.03.2005: Strengthening Social Security: President Bush Invites America's Oldsters to Cast Their Votes on Viable Alternatives to the Coming Retirement Apocalypse
02.28.2005: Alberto R. Gonzales: America's First-Ever Hispano-Rican Attorney General, Takes Questions From the General Public on "Ask the White House"
02.25.2005: The 2005 European Victory Lap: President's Statement Detailing Diplomatic Accomplishments During Visits With Former Nazi, Napoleonic, and Soviet Evildoers
02.22.2005: President Reaffirms America's Commitment to Exhausting All Diplomatic Options Prior to Unleashing a Righteous Thermonukular Holocaust on Uppity Iranistazi Trash
02.18.2005: Press Secretary Scott McClellan Unveils Strict New Credentialing Application to Ensure Rock-Solid Integrity of White House Press Pool
02.14.2005: President's Valentines Day Proclamation Launching Exciting New "Iron Hymen" and "Sex is for Fags" Abstinence-Only Education Programs
02.10.2005: February is National Negro Tolerance Month: Read President Bush's Formal Proclamation on the Changeability of Colored Folks
02.07.2005: Lt. General James Mattis: United States Marine Corps Humanitarian, Takes Your Questions LIVE on "Ask the White House"
02.02.2005: The 2005 State of the Union Address: Complete Transcript of President George W. Bush's Speech to Congress and the Nation
01.31.2005: President Sends Congratulations to Radical Moderate Christine Todd Whitman on the Publication of Her New Book, Semi-Sour Grapes of a Marginalized Bimbo Nobody
01.28.2005: President Bush Proudly Invites Eligible Arabiacs to Download and Complete the Official Ballot for Iraq's Explosively Joyous Foray Into Gunpoint Democracy
01.24.2005: President's Statement Lamenting the United States Supreme Court's Inability to Make Up Its Cotton-Picking Mind About Whether It's OK to Kill Retards and Vegetables
01.20.2005: Transcript of President's Inaugural Address Promising Greater Freedom® for Freeified® Freefolk® to Freely® Enjoy Freetastic® Freegasms® of Freedomosity®
01.15.2005: Full Text of President Bush's After-Hours Statement Proudly Leaking America's Successful Termination of the Hunt for Iraqazoid Weapons of Mass Destruction
01.10.2005: President Reluctantly Terminates Highly Effective, Taxpayer-Financed Covert Propaganda Contract With Strom Thurmond's Smooth-Talking House Jigaboo
01.06.2005: Reforming Social Security: President's Confidential Memo to Party Foot Soldiers Explaining New Policy of "Zero Tolerance for Geriatric Decrepitude"
01.03.2005: In Selfless Paroxysm of Philanthropy, President Bush Donates $10,000 of His Personal $26 Million Fortune to Tsunami Relief-Related Program Activities
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001

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