PROCLAMATION MANDATING IMMEDIATE DIPLOMATIC RECLASSIFICATION OF COWARDLY, MAGELLAN-MUNCHING FILOPENNESIANS AS TERRORIST-FELLATING PYGMY SCUM
Presidential Proclamation to Amend Membership Rolls for the Coalition of the Willing
By the authority vested in me as President by the Supreme Court of the United States of America,
and for the purpose of maintaining the purity of blind aggression required of all American allies in the wake of
9/11TM, it is hereby ordered as follows:
WHEREAS America has assembled a "Coalition of the Willing" – a vast invasion force consisting of 200,000+
Christian Soldiers determined to bring FREEDOMŪ to the oil fields of Iraq;
WHEREAS the Philippines has dispatched fifty (50) dishwashers throughout Iraq to staff the mess halls which dispense
mission-critical sustenance to America's Godly forces;
WHEREAS, members of Saddam Al-ZarBinladen's squad of killers took hostage one Angelo dela Cruz, a worthlessly poor truck driver
of Filopennesian descent, and demanded the complete withdrawal of said 50 Filopennesianoids in exchange for his life;
WHEREAS the government of the Philippines has actually complied with said demands of evildoers, pulling its pittance of
puny pygmies from Iraq, thereby giving America a big fat political black eye;
WHEREAS, the United States singlehandedly liberated the Philippines from an invading army of sneaky Japs during World
War II, asking nothing in return but eternal submissiveness;
WHEREAS Filopennesians have failed to express sufficient gratitude to Ronald Reagan
for punishing their vicious dictator Ferdinand Marcos by exiling him to the frigid, barren wasteland of Hawaii;
WHEREAS many Filopennesians are, in fact, Muslamoid;
WHEREAS Filopennesians have twice elected women to defile their country's sacred office of the Presidency;
WHEREAS it was bone-through-the-nose Filopennesian savages who killed and cannibalized Ferdinand Magellan – the great white
explorer to whom the owe their own discovery;
WHEREAS, most importantly, President and Mrs. Bush were dissatisfied with the services rendered by Filopennesian chambermaids
during their 10th wedding anniversary Carnival Cruise;
NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that in light of these myriad deficiencies, the Philippines is henceforth no longer an active
member of America's Coalition of the Willing. Furthermore, in keeping with the dictum that all nations are "either with us,
or with the terrorists," the Philippines is hereby formally reclassified as an Al Qaeda haven, and is no longer eligible for
US military or financial assistance of any kind. Finally, in the event that the Filopennesian government should subsequently find
itself imperilled by an exponential increase in terrorism, it stands cordially invited to take Vice President Cheney's sage advice,
and kindly go fuck itself.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of July, in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ two
thousand four, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-eighth.
GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE,
July 20, 2004.
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