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For Immediate Release - Office of the Press Secretary - June 25, 2004 - 11:42 A.M. (EST)

TRANSCRIPT OF LONG-OVERDUE EXCHANGE BETWEEN VICE PRESIDENT DICK "CHRISTIAN VALUES ROLE MODEL" CHENEY AND RAGE-CONSUMED LIBERAL SENATOR PATRICK LEAHY
Official Vice Presidential Transcript

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

SENATOR LEAHY: Vice President Cheney – nice to see you, sir.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: You know I don't appreciate you shining a spotlight on my blatant conflicts of interest with Halliburton, Senator. Just because I'm still paid hundreds of thousands of dollars every year from Halliburton, doesn't mean I don't make one hell of an effort to keep others from flaunting my utter contempt for the very notion of ethics. So when you remind voters that where there's a thick plume of foul-smelling smoke, there's obviously fire, I don't like it, Pat.

SENATOR LEAHY: I'm really sorry you feel that way, Mr. Vice President. It sounds like you feel a bit like I do when you cast aspersions on my morality and patriotism, sir. I don't like that, either.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Fuck off.

SENATOR LEAHY: Pardon me?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: You heard me, Vermonster. Pull that fucking hemp thong out of your gaping, maple-syrup-gushing man cunt and fuck off. Asshole.

SENATOR LEAHY: Mr. Vice President – these questions need to be asked. I won't show so much backbone as to flat-out define what Halliburton did as "war profiteering" – but between their gross overcharging of the US Government and your sponsorship of them, it would be wise to clear the air, don't you think?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Tell you what, Senator Fucko, let's make a deal. If fucking Iraq starts clamoring for fucking ice cream the way it begs for fucking electricity and fucking death, then I won't fuck you bureaucrat-style over YOUR fucking contracts to sell $50 pints of Ben & Jerry's Mink Dung Wheatgrass Fro-Yo to those fucking dune coons. OK?"

SENATOR LEAHY: Mr. Vice President – may I remind you that the rules which govern the hallowed citadel of democracy in which you and I now stand expressly forbid the use of X-rated language and–

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Look around, stupid fucking numb nuts snatch. The fucking Senate's not in fucking session. If it were, you'd see a fucking sea of fucking useless suits waddling around like fucking faggot penguins with their fucking shitholes stuffed with special fucking interest money. Think you're any fucking better, you fuck? Here... let me write something down for you...

[Brief pause as Vice President writes something on piece of paper, has clerk pass it to Senator who opens it.}

SENATOR LEAHY: This says "Fuck Off!"

THE VICE PRESIDENT: HA! Fuck, yeah!

SENATOR LEAHY: Mr. Vice President... I'm stunned. This is the usual combative, abusive posture you assume when asked anything legitimate about the War in Iraq. If you're not openly hostile, then you're secretive and libelous, calling into question patriotism and morals when one simply disagrees with you...

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Jesus Fucking Christ, maybe you're right! Let me ask you a personal question then: Does every fag-loving, Phish-dancing man-bitch in Vermont got hairless fucking little nutsacks for testicles? Fuck you, twinkle toes. You're a bigger fucking pussy than Ron Fucking Reagan Jr.

SENATOR LEAHY: Mr. Vice President, I was merely saying it pains me when you suggest that my not voting to confirm the President's ultra-right-wing, anti-Constitutional judges means I'm anti-Catholic.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Not only anti-Catholic, but anti-Christian, and anti-Southern too, fucking cuntrag. Fuck, if you had your way, every last fucking urinal cake in the fucking country would be replaced with little pink welfare fetuses! To whit: fuck off. That's right: "F" to the "U" to the "C" to the "K" to the "O" to the double "EF"-izzle.

SENATOR LEAHY: I'm so sorry you're having a bad day, Mr. Vice President.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Actually Senator Lady, I'm having a fucking great day. I shit a fucking sunbeam this morning. I'm king of the motherfucking world. Now you, you prissy cocksucker? You had best skoot your fucking ass the fuck out of here, if you know what's fucking good for you and your fucking fuck-ass state full of fucking fuckers. This session is fucking adjourned. Oh, and Senator?

SENATOR LEAHY: Yes?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: Do me a favor and fuck the fuck off?

[END TRANSCRIPT]

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