COMMEMORATING BROWN V. BOARD OF EDUCATION: PRESIDENT DROPS ELECTION YEAR HINT TO NEGROES BY CONTENDING SOLIDARITY WITH 1950's "ACTIVIST JUDGES"
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Thank you. Please be seated. It's my pleasure to be here at
Monroe Elementary School today. And I do mean "today." Fifty years ago, this building wasn't the gleaming
National Historic Landmark you see now. No, it was a decrepit coloreds-only school, positively teeming with uppity
pickaninnies who felt nothing but anarchic contempt for the segregatorian laws of this Godly country.
Why, if today wasn't today, but was really back then, and I was standing here outside the front
door of this school, I'd probably have already had my pocket picked and my intestines spilled onto the
sidewalk by an ivory-handled switchblade!
(Boos.)
Awww, come on now! You know it's true. The year was 1954, after all. I myself was a tender seven years old, and
attending Midland's Sam Houston Elementary, a school named after a fella whom when confronted with
darkies who dared to believe they could own anything, did the heroic thing and killed and raped as many of them
as he could. That's why he's the official mascot of Texas! And let me tell you, you can rest assured that
at Sam Houston Elementary, the only colored face in the classrooms was old Remus, who came in to empty
the trash cans and wipe up us kids' chewing tobaccy sputum off the floors.
(Boos.)
And as good Republicans, that's the way my parents liked it. They liked it so much, in fact, they sent me off
to all-white Phillips Andover Academy, a place where a boy could take communal showers with the other fellas in
his cheerleading squad and not have their little pink nubbins endure humiliatingly close proximity to
colored groin leviathans. Later, my parents sent me to Yale University, which while no longer racially
pure, fortunately still had institutions like DEKE, where us normal guys could get together and swap some innocent
coon and jigaboo jokes without fear of politically correct fascists getting their Zulu skirts all tied in a knot.
But anyway, yeah, fifty years ago, in a shocking and infuriating display of liberalism run amok, nine Supreme Court
"Activist Judges" ruled in the case Brown v. Board of Education that the segregation and humiliation
of an entire race could no longer be the official law of the land. Republican President Dwight Eisenhower, while stating
publicly that we must all "respect" Judicial Branch rulings, strongly disagreed with the ruling. Privately, he wondered,
"What's wrong with 'separate but equal'? In Dubya Dubya Two, we kept those colored grunts in separate units, and
they died equally well when I sent them in as the first wave of attack against the Japs and Gerrys." How thoughtful old Ike
was that way!
Now I know that in the years that have passed, many of you coloreds have come to associate the Republican party
as still being diametrically opposed to your interests. Indeed, whether it was the slave-humping
determination of Strom Thurmond, the proud honesty
of Trent Lott,
or my own fierce opposition to affirmative action quotas and strong support
for black teen gulags, too many of you have been falsely deluded into
acknowledging overwhelming evidence of the blatantly obvious.
Of course, I know that with all that said, it confuses the heck out of you people that I have the most racially diverse
administration in history. Well, I was no fruity drama major at Yale, but I did share bodily fluids with a few of them
during hell week in the Skull & Bones crypt. And it was there that I learned that it only takes a can of shoe polish and a couple of
do-rags for even a regular dude like me to put on one hell of an entertaining minstrel show.
Hello out there? OK, this is the part I want you to remember, so wake your lazy asses up! [Secret Service Shots Fired in Air.]
(Boos.)
In closing, I want all the negrazoids out there to think that I firmly believe that the liberal insanity perpetrated by those 1950's "activist
judges" in Brown v. Board of Education was a good thing. Sure, we conservatives reacted violently to it at the time,
because by the GOP's logic, segregation could have been ended only when the voters were ready! But now that a whole half century
has passed, we can pretend to approve of it, still save face, and even score some shameless political brownie points.
That's how it works, after all. And so knows, in another fifty years, maybe another ultra-radical conservative, not-technically-elected President whose
poll numbers are doing a Chinky Syndrome, will be standing in front of a San Fransissyco fag bathhouse, pandering to the same people his
legislation strives to disenfranchise – in vain hope of hoodwinking them into giving up a few lousy votes!
(Boos.)
Thank you, and God Bless America!
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White House Information:
