George W. Bush The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington DC, America April 26, 2004 Son of Bush, It gave me great pleasure to join you at the White House for lunch this week past. The delicacy called "corn dog" was as delicious as it was difficult to digest, and the same was also true for the ice-cold funnels of "MGD." You will be relieved to learn that since last we spoke, His Royal Highness King Fahd's rage has abated somewhat upon learning that America's news media is already moving on from the unpleasantness of "the issue." Indeed, be advised that your friends in Riyadh are of one mind in our sentiment that it is dangerously silly to believe that something such as "the issue" was ever discussed – especially not during Crown Prince Abdullah's visit to your Crawford ranch on April 25th, 2002. And most extra-certainly not during the follow-up Crawford meeting between yourself and I just four months later. This man, this "Bob Woodward" who speaks so openly of "the issue" without fear – he must be a man of great and untouchable power, yes? Were he a Saudi daring to write such lies, and his wealth were derived from any fewer than 1,000 personal crude wells, his filthy zionist pig hooves would be hacked from his body in the public square. And once bled thusly, his still-twitching corpse would be thrown to the dogs, and his grieving wife gang-ravaged by teeming hordes of impoverished street vermin. Just a thought... In closing, the House of Saud has every faith that you will do everything necessary to ensure that the American people, like their Saudi counterparts, will continue to perceive their current leaders for what they are – ultra-competent and non-corrupt petrochemical magnates, legitimately elected by virtue of once having demonstrated the incredible ability to swim through their famous fathers' urethras. So say it loud, and say it often and publicly, Son of Bush: "I take direct orders from no foreign, terrorism-financing government!" Sincerely Yours,        Prince Bandar bin Sultan St. Regis Hotel Presidential Suite Aspen, CO P.S. - King Fahd also instructed me to convey to you his delight with your consenting to the recent "spring break" visit of your nubile twin daughters. I am told they looked ravishing both in and out of their abayas, were consistently well-behaved during the entire stay in the harem, and that as thanks, the higher octanes are now also included in the aforementioned November-related discussions that never happened.

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