OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE TRANSCRIPT
DATE: 07-27-2001
PRESENT: Condoleezza Rice, Richard Clarke
[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
[Knock on door.]
DR. RICE: Come in.
RICHARD CLARKE: May I have a moment, Dr. Rice?
DR. RICE: A moment, yes. But spit it out, because I'm off to meet with President Bush in a few minutes, and you know what
he gets like when this here coffee gets lukewarm and milky.
RICHARD CLARKE: That's what I'd hoped to talk to you about, Dr. Rice.
DR. RICE: W's Sanka?
RICHARD CLARKE: No, the President. Have you had a chance to review the URGENT memo I sent you six months ago?
DR. RICE: A memo? Now Mr. Clarke, you know I can neither confirm nor deny receipt of any memos whatsoever. Maybe it's
in that stack on the floor under all my hockey sticks.
RICHARD CLARKE: This was an URGENT memo about Al Qaeda.
DR. RICE: Al who?
RICHARD CLARKE: Al Qaeda. They're the ones who bombed our embassies in Africa and attacked the USS Cole. They were
a clear and present danger under President Clinton, and are even moreso now, sir.
DR. RICE: Sir? Excuse me? Do I look like Karen Hughes to you? I'm a woman!
RICHARD CLARKE: My mistake. Even moreso now, ma'am.
DR. RICE: Anyway, I already told the President all about that Al Kwanzaa dude. So don't go thinking you actually know anything
I don't know just because you've been working on this terroristism stuff non-stop for over a decade.
RICHARD CLARKE: Ma'am?
DR. RICE: What is it Mr. Clarke? A black woman can't understand what a threat is unless it's a Newport 100's shortage or a Surgeon
General announcement that fried chicken causes afro cancer?
RICHARD CLARKE: I never said any such thing!
DR. RICE: The hell you didn't, you Reagan-holdover RACIST! But tell you what – I'll forgive the transgression, if you admit that
this Al homeboy didn't blow up nothing – and he certainly didn't pop no rounds in the head of Nat King Cole!
RICHARD CLARKE: Ma'am?
DR. RICE: That's right. The President has made it clear that no matter what those fools at the CIA
are yapping on about, someone else is the cause of all our terrorization problems. And I'll give you a hint who it is.
His name starts with a "Saddam" and ends with a "Hussein."
RICHARD CLARKE: Ma'am?
DR. RICE: Is there a fucking echo in here? Did you hear me, Mr. Clarke?
RICHARD CLARKE: Ma'am could you please stop shaking your finger in my face? I'm afraid you are going to flick out my contact
lens. And yes, I heard you. But let me state for the record that Iraq is not a threat, and I'm extremely
concerned that if we don't take action against Al Qaeda immediately, that something truly horrible will happen.
DR. RICE: We are taking action immediately, fool! Immediately after President Bush gets back from his month-long
vacation on his swanky-ass thousand-acre ranch. Anyway, that's only five weeks away. What the fuck's gonna happen between
now and then? Even terrorists gotta kick back and chill until after Labor Day, right? I know I am, baby.
RICHARD CLARKE: Please Dr. Rice, all current intelligence points to an impending and catastrophic–
DR. RICE: Time's up! Me and the President have to talk about real security threats – like
putting together some photos of Paul O'Neill taking it up the butt before that little boy decides to go off and collaborate
on some book full of dangerously off-script reality.
RICHARD CLARKE: But ma'am, please–
DR. RICE: Meeting over!
[END TRANSCRIPT]
White House Information:
DR. RICE: Good morning. As the entire planet is now embarrassingly aware, last night saw former White House Terror Czar
Richard Clarke appear on CBS News 60 Minutes, where he dared to venture off-script and bring up how before 9/11, President
Bush and I weren't interested in killing any Muslims who don't own oil wells. In particular, Mr. Clarke made repeated reference
to a certain private conversation between him and myself. And while I will not dignify his corroborated assertions
by disputing them on the record, much less under oath, today I am releasing a transcript of said exchange, which I wisely pre-typed from memory in
the highly unlikely event that a former Reagan-Bush official like Mr. Clarke would one day fall victim to a raging case of
ethically-transmitted veracity.
