THE FIRST LADY: Good afternoon. Two days ago I told reporters I was looking forward to seeing Mel Gibson's new film about the one and only true God's son, Jesus. And even though Betty already told me the ending, today I curled up with a nice bowl of blood-drenched popcorn in the East Wing theatre to watch it myself – and it is WONDERFUL!.

Now I've also heard that some Jewishes are being brainwashed by those sneaky rabbis (who have more pipe-curls than Shirley Temple), and as a result, might believe that this movie is somehow anti-Hymie. And since we Evangelical Christians think Mel's new picture is just the neatest thing since sliced room-temperature mayonnaise sandwiches, I'd hate for those people to reach the conclusion that we are not totally fervent in our newfound pretend Jew-loverness. So I hope they trust me when I say, "There's no reason whatsoever for thin-skinned hooknose Christ-killers to worry one iota about this uplifting new cinematic bloodbath." We don't hate them any more than our Lord Jesus, who, of course, is eager to fling them all into Hell.

Thank you.

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

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