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For Immediate Release
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Office of the Press Secretary
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December 31, 2003
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11:31 P.M. (EST)
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PRESIDENT SENDS NEW YEARS EVE E-MAIL BEST WISHES TO FIRST BROTHER NEIL BUSH: FAMILY VALUES POSTER CHILD AND PILLAR OF SECURITIES TRADING SCRUPULOUSNESS
Personal Electronic Communication by the President
From: George W. Bush [president@whitehouse.org]
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 10:57 PM
To: "Neil Bush" [nbush@faisal-ventures.sa]
Subject: RE: Happy New Year (I'm totally sorry!!)
Neilster,
Don't worry about it. Mom's just having her annual holiday megabitch freakout.
Yeah, Condi read me that
AP Story about
your fishy 1-day $170K profit while she was giving me a massage (no release). Pretty nice work there, baby bro! Not so hot as my Harken
or Texas Rangers deals, of course,
but still good enough to make Hillary's $100K cattle futures profit
look like the sorry little girly deal it was. (Not like that stopped us from crucifying her - LOL!)
Anyway, mom's just still pissed that the Post found out about you
porking all those asiatic hookers
when you were still married to the bottle-blonde slut. Like you had a choice, what with Sharon daring to expect
livable alimony just because she gestated and raised your children. Next time, follow my lead – and marry a lump in the
bed who's so afraid of her own inebriated shadow that she'd never question how blessed she is to be serviced once a
decade by the dangling delights of a horsehung Bush boy.
I mean really, don't sweat it! There's nothing you can do that's so
crooked and/or morally bankrupt that I can't chase out of the headlines with one little tweak of the terror alert level.
If things get really fucked up with this CIA leak mess, we're planning to have all of America jonesing for the Michael
Jackson kiddy crotch grabbing trial so damn bad, they'll only find out I'm re-elected if Court TV runs some type along the
bottom of the screen. Anyway, the American people already know and accept who we are. They know you're
the horndog crook, I'm the drunken Jesus-loving crook, Jeb's the spic-marrying manatee, Doro's invisible, and Marvin's the pussy. But we're still royalty,
and for that they'll keep worshipping us like the living Gods we are.
Now I gotta go. It's New Years eve, and as your new needle-eyed teenaged squeeze might say, "Meeeee soooo thiiiiiirsty!" ROTFLMAO!!
Happy New Year, Bro.
- W
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--------Original Message--------
From: Neil Bush [nbush@faisal-ventures.sa]
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2003 1:19 PM
To: "Prezzy the Bro" [president@whitehouse.org]
Subject: Happy New Year (I'm totally sorry!!)
George,
Mom just called me and went totally apeshit over this new AP story.
Says she didn't raise her sons to get caught. She even said I'm the reason – not that little Strom Thurmond-like problem you had with
the help back in Houston – that she's secretly pro-choice!
Gosh, I hope you're not mad at me. Again. You know how much I value our siblinghood, George. I would never do anything
to intentionally hurt you or any other
politically successful member of our family – because if it weren't for mom and dad, I know we'd both be selling TVs at
Circuit City instead of riding the hell out of this gravy train of political influence and the shit storm of cash it kicks up!
In short, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!!! To smooth things over, I've given seven Hong Kong "pleasure girls" your
secret red phone number (ask for the "number 12" bro - it's awesome!).
I hope you can forgive me, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Happy New Year.
Yours Subserviently,
- Neil
P.S. Thanks again for taking care of that goddamn Sharon thing.
I really owe you a million (which is better than the billion I owe the taxpayers from that Silverado fistfuck! LOL)
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