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For Immediate Release - Office of the Press Secretary - June 4, 2003 - 11:23 A.M. (Local)

PRESIDENT BUSH PROUDLY UNVEILS INSPIRED "ROAD MAP TO MIDDLE EASTERN PEACE" FOR SQUABBLING, DON'T-KNOW-THEY'RE-BEAT ALLAHOVAH SPAZZMOS
Statement by the President to Assembled Middle Eastern Leaders
AQABA, Jordan

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. How y'all doin today? It's a real pleasure to have finally bothered jetting on over here to Desertopia to slum around with some of my newest Middle Yeast-infected subjects. As you know, we Bushes usually just head straight to the House of Saudi Doody, but inasmuch as my friends at the Heritage Foundation need some good pictures for the new history books they're already writing, I figured I'd stop by here and gloat for a spell. So smile pretty for the cameras!

Unfortunately, even though I have successfully put your entire region in a righteous Christian headlock, there remains an unacceptable amount of politically annoying strife in these parts. We've still got too many uppity, toga-wearing Palestinos blowing themselves into Alpo, and too many Christ-killing Zionoids building chintzy new houses on disputed patches of worthless desert. Well, I want it all to stop.

Now, therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America and Noble Sultan of Ancient and Backward Arabia, do solemnly present without debate the "ROADMAP FOR MIDDLE EAST PEACE." You will study it, and you will live it, and you WILL love it. Because if you ladies don't start screaming brown-skinned "peace" toot-sweet, Rummy's Crusader's WILL stuff all these goofy minarets down your hell-bound, baklava-slicked throats. Thank you. (Applause.)




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