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For Immediate Release - Office of the Press Secretary - May 22, 2003 - 2:22 P.M. (EST)

PRESENTING THE OCCUPIED IRAQ BILL OF RIGHTS: PRESIDENT BUSH USHERS IN BLISSFUL ERA OF SUBMISSIVE ARABIAC DEMOCRACY AND ETERNAL MARTIAL LAW
Statement by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Today, despite thousands of biased non-FOX media reports depicting the ecstatically free population of Texraq as a newly-enraged nest of Ismanian attack hornets, I'm resigned to keep repeating that America's mission there has been an unqualified success. Truth is, the Iraqazoid people are so ecstatic about the dawning of their indeterminately eternal future of enduring freedom under foreign occupation and martial law, they couldn't be any more NOT consumed by violent resentment and hatred towards the omnipresent Western infidels who decimated their cities and killed their families!

As such, today, it is my honor to take the first step towards installing a democracy as semi-legitimate as America's by the presenting the first ever Bill of Rights for Occupied Iraq. I urge all Iraqitos to think of these new rights as training wheels, and to take them out for a fun-filled spin. And then, in twenty or thirty years, we'll see if you animals are smart enough to start kowtowing to American corporate power-brokers without us having to force you to. Thank you, and congratuations!




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