THE FIRST LADY: Senator O'Kennedy, Senator Gregg and members of the Committee, last week I appeared in this hallowed hall in a pert, barely creased lilac suit, on the very spot where the sexual deviant and semen hydrant William Jefferson Clinton was so justly impeached, to deliver prepared spontaneous remarks on the importance of reading for children. At that time, I made no fewer than five startling revelations, including the news that "there is a strong connection between early language development and reading," (PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE) that "reading is the keystone for academic and life success," (PAUSE FOR LOUDER APPLAUSE) and perhaps most astonishingly - that storytime has always been my favorite part of the day. (POLITELY ACKNOWLEDGE SENATORS WHO ARE NOW STANDING) Today I come armed with a similarly earth-shattering disclosure:

The sky is blue.

Except in England, of course.

As a former mother, and teacher and librarian, I feel it is my duty to quietly gaze heavenward each day for hours at a time, clearing my mind of all worldly thoughts and recipes and allowing wave after wave of profound epiphany to roll over me. Sort of like my head is one of those Russian nesting dolls - I pop it open and each time there is a smaller, cuter idea inside! Yesterday, upon realizing the sky's weird blueness, I knew right away that it was incumbent upon me to direct the Senate's attention away from such trivial matters as recession busting and investigating non-corrupt energy trading corporations that in no way exercised undue influence in my husband's administration - and make sure that they become fully aware of this important information. So I scribbled the words "sky" and "blue" on a cocktail napkin (SHOW THE PANEL) so I wouldn't forget the next day and brought in it in here so you all would not be left in the dark one single, solitary day longer about this monumental insight.

This concludes my remarks for today. I look forward to returning to this hall many, many, many times in the future - as your time and my supply of cocktail napkins allows.

God bless us, everyone.

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