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THE WHITE HOUSE
Newsroom
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001
12.31.2002: President Opposes Rep. Charles Rangel's Proposal to Weaken the Military by Reinstating the White Ivy League Draft
12.29.2002: President Bush Demonstrates Republican Inclusiveness in Year-End Outreach to Select Dissenters
12.25.2002: The President & Mrs. Bush's Remarks Wishing a Very Merry Christmas to All the World's Hell-Bound Non-Believers
12.23.2002: President Bush's Official 2002 Message to Colored Americans Celebrating That Kwanzaa Thing
12.20.2002: President Bush and Senator Frist's Statement on the Unfortunately Necessary Political Lynching of Trent Lott
12.19.2002: Citing Bioterror Threat, President Bush Urges All African Americans to Enroll in Tuskegee Smallpox Experiment
12.17.2002: Complete Transcript of Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott's Appearance on Black Entertainment Television
12.16.2002: President Bush Applauds Al Gore's Decision to Let Some Other Baby-Killing Sissy Eat Major Shit Sandwich in 2004
12.15.2002: Transcript of Late Night Telephone Conversation Between President Bush & North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il
12.13.2002: President Bush Releases List of Faith-Based Charities Qualifying for Multibillion Dollar Taxpayer Funding
12.11.2002: 2002 CHILDREN'S STORY HOUR: Senator Lott & President Bush Read Aloud From Shaniqua: The Little Negress That Couldn't
12.08.2002: President Bush Presides Over Ceremonial Lighting of Official White House Outdoor Nativity Scene
12.06.2002: President Bush's Statement on the Wholly Voluntary Resignation of Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill
12.05.2002: Remarks by President Bush to Attendees of Retiring Senator Strom Thurmond's 100th Birthday Party
12.03.2002: President Bush Kicks Off National Drunk and Drugged Driving Prevention Month With Candid After-Hours Remarks
11.29.2002: Statement by the President Announcing the Appointment of Comeback Kid Henry Kissinger to Oversee 9/11 Cover-Up
11.27.2002: Text of the President's Thanksgiving Proclamation on the Inherent Anti-Americanism of Vegetarians
11.26.2002: President Bush Announces Details of His New Ten-Point Plan to Save the Homeland's Environment from the EPA
11.23.2002: President Bush Offers Friendly Tips on Political Discourse to Listeners of the Rush Limbaugh Show
11.21.2002: A Very Special Peek Inside First Lady Mrs. George W. Bush's Holiday Recipe Box
11.20.2002: President Bush Hails Passage of Homeland Security Department Legislation from the Backward Nation Of Prague
11.17.2002: Formal Statement by President Bush Warmly Welcoming House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi to the Capitol Hill Boys Club
11.14.2002: President Bush Proudly Releases Sightseeing Checklist for Drivers of the Yellowstone National Park Circumferential Snowmobile Expressway
11.12.2002: President Bush Offers Warm Bipartisan Assurances to Senator Judas Jeffords on the Occasion of His State's Complete Disenfranchisement
11.11.2002: The Official GOP Survey: Help President Bush & America's Newly Righteous Congress Prioritize the 2003 Legislative Agenda
11.08.2002: Acknowledging Commencement of "Ramadan," President Bush Delivers Remarks to Attendees of the 2002 White House Iftaar Dinner
11.06.2002: Complete Text of President Bush's Champagne Victory Toast at the GOP Midterm Elections Morning-After Celebration Breakfast
11.05.2002: In Brave Display of Bipartisan Bonhomie, President Bush Offers Election Day Best Wishes to Prominent Democrats
11.04.2002: President Bush Urges All Americans to Download & Disseminate the Official 2002 Nonpartisan Voting Guide
11.01.2002: President Bush Proudly Unveils Agressive New Federal Protections for Human Embryos and Used Condoms
10.30.2002: An Intimate Glimpse Behind the Scenes at the White House's Sizzling 2002 GOP Halloween Drag Ball & Fund-Raiser
10.29.2002: President Bush Expresses Heartfelt Non-Political Sadness Over the Passing of Leftist Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone
10.27.2002: Joint Statement by Presidents Bush and Heston Declaring America Safe Again for Recreational Assault Weapon Strafing
10.23.2002: White House Web Site Banned by America-Hating Missouri Public School Liberals! President Bush: "This Isn't the Type of Censorship I Condone!"
10.21.2002: SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt and Vice President Cheney Release Revised White House Code of Corporate Ethics and Responsibility
10.17.2002: Mrs. Bush Offers Tips to Parents for Talking to Children About Stuff Like Terrorists, Snipers, and What to Pack for Jail
10.16.2002: President Bush Clarifies His Administration's Position on Ballistic Fingerprinting of High-Powered Sniper Rifles
10.14.2002: Remarks by President Bush to the People of Northern Ireland Regarding Britain's Suspension of Their Self-Governance
10.11.2002: A Formal Statement of Congratulations to James Earl Carter on the Occasion of His Canonization by Liberal Norwegian Hippies
10.10.2002: President Bush and Miss America Erika Harold Urge Today's Teens to Just Say "NO" to Premarital Double Penetration
10.09.2002: President Bush to Florida Governor Jeb Bush: Good Luck, and Have Fun Wasting that Psychotic White Trash Lezbo Hooker
10.07.2002: President Offers Warm Endorsement to Innovative Program for Refining and Improving the First Amendment
10.03.2002: President Bush Delivers a Heartfelt Prayer of Hope for Victims of the 2002 Hurricane Season
10.01.2002: Newly Discovered Confidential Memorandum Reveals Secret America-Hating Agenda of the Democratic Party
09.30.2002: Remarks by President Bush to Nancy Reagan on the Occasion of Her Transformation into a Bloodthirsty Fetus Murderer
09.26.2002: Traitors on Parade: The White House Responds to Anti-War Statements of Prominent Democrats
09.25.2002: President Bush's 100% Foolproof National Security Strategy, As Presented to “The Boys In Lubbock”
09.24.2002: First Lady to Children of Sesame Street: Jesus Christ Can and Must Kill This AIDS Muppet
09.22.2002: Remarks by President Bush to the People of Germany Regarding the Outcome of Their Parliamentary Elections
09.18.2002: President Releases Top-Secret Iraqi Documents Justifying the Immediate Toppling of Saddam Hussein
09.14.2002: The President's Iraq Ultimatum, As Delivered to the United Nations General Assembly
09.12.2002: Complete Transcript of President Bush's Candid, No Holds-Barred Interview With "60 Minutes II"
09.11.2002: Remembering 9/11: An Intimate Glimpse at President & Mrs. Bush's Strategy for Commemoration
09.10.2002: Transcript of President Bush's "Primary Super Tuesday" Radio Address to the American People
09.06.2002: President Dismisses Rumors of Policy Friction Between Himself & Secretary of State Colin Powell
09.04.2002: Aspiring Lesbian Cosmonaut Joins President Bush to Decry Rampant Discrimination Within Russian Space Agency
09.03.2002: U.S. Department of Faith Issues Biblical Back to School Tips for True Christian® Students
09.01.2002: President Bush's Labor Day Address to Collected Members of the Korean Deli & Fruit Stand Owners Association
08.29.2002: Transcript of President Bush's Crawford Summit With Saudi Arabian Ambassador Prince Bandar Bin Sultan
08.28.2002: Vice President Cheney Details Diabolical Iraqi Schemes Necessitating the Wholesale Invasion of the Arabiac World
08.25.2002: Memo From Attorney General Ashcroft to the News Media Concerning National Security Order No. 1-545-7b
08.22.2002: President Offers Reassurances to Civil Libertarians Over Alien Fingerprinting Initiative
08.20.2002: President Bush Defends Ann Coulter From Slanderous Liberal Allegations of Transsexuality
08.17.2002: President's Remarks Expressing Profound Debt of Gratitude to "Pioneer Club" Fundraising Partners
08.13.2002: President Bush Muses Candidly on the Five Non-Illusory Accomplishments of the Waco Economic Forum
08.08.2002: President's Pledge to America's Seniors: Full Medicare Coverage for Preventative Embalming & Cremation
08.04.2002: President Bush Awards Posthumous Blue Ribbon of Integrity to Richard Milhous Nixon
07.31.2002: Memorandum From the First Lady Regarding Preparations for the Annual Bush Family Month-Long Summer Holiday
07.26.2002: President Bush Calls on Congress to Appropriate Funds for AIDS-Proof Toilet Research
07.23.2002: Attorney General John Ashcroft to Aspiring Civilian Spies: "Fill Out This Anonymous Tip Form!"
07.21.2002: President Bush Calls for Greater Leniency in Sentencing for Florida's Cubo-Rican Drug Gangs
07.18.2002: Vice President Cheney's Remarks to Newly Bankrupted Stockholders of the Halliburton Corporation
07.17.2002: President Bush Releases Complete List of Official Nicknames for American and World Leaders
07.13.2002: Innately Sensitive to Corporate Abuses, President Bush Lends Support to Embattled Negro Entertainer
07.08.2002: President Issues New Guidelines for Corporate Ethics & Responsibility to His Aryan Wall Street Brethren
07.04.2002: President's Cautionary July 4th Address to Democrats, Liberals, and Other Enemies of the State
07.02.2002: President Urges All True Patriots to Sign Petition to Revoke Tom Cruise's American Citizenship
06.30.2002: Governing Board of Presidential Prayer Squad Issues Emergency Green Card to Jesus Christ
06.27.2002: Formal Statement by President Bush Expressing His Eternal Support for the Pledges of Allegiance
06.25.2002: Comprehensive Terrorist Reading List Released - Citizens Are Advised to Report All Offending Readers to the FBI
06.23.2002: President Outlines Federal Health & Fitness Initiative to Attendees of the Annual Weight Watchers National Convention
06.20.2002: President Bush Responds to Misguided Supreme Court Ruling Barring the Execution of Retards
06.17.2002: Remarks by the President Regarding Widespread Speculation Over the True Identity of "Deep Throat"
06.13.2002: Secretary Fleischer Discloses Full Details of GAO Report on White House Vandalism by Outgoing Clinton Staffers
06.11.2002: President's Statement Decrying Democratic Hate Crime Legislation as Blatant Discrimination Against God-Fearing Klansmen
06.09.2002: Statement by the President on Future Homeland Securitizing and the Reorganizationing of the Intelligenciary
06.06.2002: Attorney General Ashcroft Announces New Hospitality Measures for Arabiac Immigrants & Tourists
06.04.2002: President's Remarks to England on the Occasion of Queen Elizabeth II's Golden Jubilee Celebration
06.01.2002: Commencement Address by the President to Graduating Brothers of the Delta Kappa Epsilon Fraternal Organization
05.30.2002: Remarks by the President Regarding Escalating Tensions Between India and Pakistan in the Dispute Over Kashmir
05.28.2002: President Bush Recounts Details of Private Audience With His So-Called Holiness Pope John Paul II
05.24.2002: President Bush Places United States on Red Alert From Paris Hotel
05.21.2002: President's Statement on Medicare Reform, as Delivered to Residents of the Hemlock Farms Discount Eldercare Facility
05.17.2002: President Responds to Terror Report Furor: "Bill Clinton Was Also Warned. Plus, He Porked that Fat Jewish Intern"
05.16.2002: Remarks by Mrs. Bush Announcing the Creation of the First Lady's Youth Promiscuity Task Force
05.13.2002: Statement by the President Regarding Democrat Jimmy Carter's Conversion to Communism
05.10.2002: Remarks by the President to Log Cabin Republicans at Their Weekly Interstate 95 Rest Area Gathering
05.08.2002: President Issues Appeal for Continued Public Apathy Towards Boring, Complicated Details of Enron Criminal Debacle
05.05.2002: President Bush Decries Marring of White House T-Ball Season Opener by Repeated Girlish Strikeouts
05.03.2002: Public Announcement Clarifying Ongoing Development of the President's Israel Policy
05.01.2002: President Promotes Compassionate Conservatism to Poor, Colored, Crack-Addicted Death Row Inmates
04.29.2002: Press Briefing by the President Celebrating the Triumph of French Democracy
04.26.2002: Remarks by the President Regarding His Private Meetings with Saudi Arabiac Crown Prince Abdullah
04.24.2002: Bush Administration Staffers Offer Fond Farewell Wishes to Senior Advisor Karen Hughes
04.22.2002: President's Earth Day Remarks to Nevada Toddlers at the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Facility
04.19.2002: President Outlines Next Steps in Sidestepping Legislation Banning Alaska Oil Exploration
04.17.2002: President Bush Calls on World's Arabiacs to Abstain From Blowing Themselves into Dog Food
04.14.2002: President Puts U.S. Catholics on Notice: "Either You Are With Us, or You Are With the Child Molesters"
04.12.2002: Former Second Lady Marilyn Quayle Declares Jihad Against "Pap Smear" Sex Ritual
04.10.2002: President Announces New Sentencing Guidelines for Nationalized Capital Punishment
04.08.2002: Congressman DeLay Introduces Federal Legislation Mandating Salvation of All Americans
04.03.2002: President Bush Unveils Bold New Blueprint for Peace and Happiness in the Middle East
03.31.2002: Declaring Egg Roll Era "Over," President Proudly Introduces New Easter Activity for Children
03.28.2002: President to NRA's Heston: "I Shall Forever Pine for Your Tender Financial Embrace"
03.27.2002: President Bush Offers Warm Wedding Day Congratulations to the Shell-Pennzoil Family
03.25.2002: In Farewell Address, President Reassures Latin Americans "Ogethertay, Eway Allshay Overcomeway"
03.22.2002: President to U.S. Youth: Marriage Need Not Wait Until Teen Bacne Subsides
03.21.2002: Celebrate America's Triumph Over Evil With Your Very Own Victory Trophy!
03.19.2002: Remarks by President Bush at Formal Dedication of Top-Secret Shadow White House
03.17.2002: President to RNC: "Tipper Gore's Widely Rumored Lesbianism Would Not Have Been a Campaign Issue"
03.15.2002: Senator Lott Bravely Thwarts Environmentalist Plot to Murder America's Children
03.13.2002: President Delivers Incontrovertible Denunciation of Democratic Fairy Tale of Evolution
03.11.2002: Newly Declassified Recordings Reveal Jimmy Carter's Shocking West Wing Sexcapades
03.07.2002: President Declares War on Masturbation - "Operation Infinite Purity" is Cleared for Takeoff
03.04.2002: President Assures Voters: Shadow Rulers Bred Exclusively From Blue-Ribbon Conservative Genetics
03.01.2002: Chastened Press Secretary Fleischer Submits to Punitive Presidential Baptism
02.28.2002: Cheney to GAO: "Consenting Adult CEO's are Entitled to Privacy in Their Own Boardrooms"
02.26.2002: President Bush Identifies and Emphatically Denounces "Axis of Homeland Evil"
02.23.2002: President Bush Recounts Myriad Lessons and Highlights of His Oriental Tour
02.21.2002: Vice President Cheney to Jay Leno: "Yours Is a Sublimely Glorious Brand of Anilingus"
02.19.2002: President Appoints Family Planning Ambassador to People's Republic of China
02.18.2002: BELTWAY BUZZ: The President on Campaign Finance and "Operation Baby Come Back"
02.15.2002: President Announces Compassionate New Weapon In War on Drugs: The Black Teen Gulag
02.13.2002: President Shares Valentines Day Ruminations on the Righteousness of the Missionary Position
02.12.2002: President Bush Announces Aggressive Plan for Privatization of Olympic Games
02.08.2002: Gov. Ridge: "Patriotic Tattooing Has Commenced. All Citizens Are to Report to the Nearest Bankrupt K-Mart"
02.07.2002: President Bush's Remarks to Attendees of the 50th Annual National Prayer Breakfast
02.06.2002: Remarks by First Lady Laura Bush During Address to Wives at Fort Bragg, North Carolina
02.06.2002: BELTWAY BUZZ: Pat Buchanan's Genius and "Bridget Jones' Botched Abortion"!
02.05.2002: President George W. Bush Delivers a Very Special Message to America's Welfare Fetuses
02.03.2002: A Presidential Proclamation on the Importance of Thick-Necked Men in Spandex Grappling Over Balls
02.01.2002: President to Christian Truckers: "Let the Rivers Flow Red With the Blood of the Evil Ones"
01.31.2002: President Wishes Janet Reno a Speedy Recovery from Hardcore Narcotics Addiction
01.29.2002: President Delivers Annual State of the Union Address to United States Congress
01.29.2002: Attorney General: "America Must Cease to be a Lurid Statuary of Deviant Sex"
01.28.2002: First Lady Mrs. George W. Bush ("Laura") Delivers Remarks to the United States Senate
01.25.2002: President Announces Faith-Based Economics: "Erasing the Stain of the Clinton Surplus"
01.25.2002: BELTWAY BUZZ: The G.O.P. Hunks of Vanity Fair, Anne Richards & The Myth of Enron
01.24.2002: Outraged President: First Mother-in-Law Was Cruelly Pleasured in Enron Affair
01.21.2002: "After Dr. King" - Mrs. Cheney Fingers New Role Models for Black America
01.17.2002: President: California Democrat Will Face Death Penalty in Civilian Courts
01.17.2002: BELTWAY BUZZ: The Real Skinny on Democrat Hooker-Killer Ted Kennedy
01.15.2002: Fleischer: Domestic Violence Rumors are "Patently Unsubstantiated"
01.11.2002: President: "I Did Not Have Improper Relations With That Woman: Miss Enron"
01.10.2002: BELTWAY BUZZ: Democrats Torpedo Bipartisanship, Jeffords Off the Wagon Again!
01.08.2002: President: Congress Will Raise Taxes "Over My Dead Mexican Pool Boy"
01.06.2002: President Announces Innovative Program to Feed America's Needy
01.04.2002: Office of Homeland Security Launches Foreign Car Buyer Database
01.01.2002: Remarks by the President on His Resolution for a Clean & Sober 2002
2007 2006 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001

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