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For Immediate Release - Office of the Press Secretary - February 18, 2005 - 10:14 A.M. (EST)

PRESS SECRETARY SCOTT McCLELLAN UNVEILS STRICT NEW CREDENTIALING APPLICATION TO ENSURE ROCK-SOLID INTEGRITY OF THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS POOL
Statement by the Press Secretary

MR. McCLELLAN: Good morning, distinguished and virile gentlemen of the news media. Please be seated. Well, except for the new correspondent from PowerBottoms.Com – because you are looking just fine right where you are, Kyle. Today, in the wake of a certain uneventful, non-scandalous resignation, President Bush has directed me to promptly fill all vacancies here in His beloved Press Pool – in a manner befitting the tight, beefed-up security desired by a nation entrenched in the communal showers of war.

All top-notch fellas are strongly encouraged to apply using the all-new quick and easy form. We're looking for a few high-caliber men – rough and ready media pros with an insatiable hunger for exposing facts, who'll probe deep for the truth, willing to stay on top to get to the bottom of things, but showing the necessary versatility to bring a whole new meaning to the term "rock-hard news." I eagerly await your applications.

PRESS POOL APPLICATION
PERSONAL INFORMATION:
Full Name: Date of Male Birth: / /
Address:
City: State: ZIP:
Weight: lbs. Height: Length: Girth:
Body Fat: Eye Color: Cut Uncut
Orientation: Top Bottom Bipartisan

FORMAL JOURNALISM EDUCATION & TRAINING:
Degree:

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE: (Note: Eligible Candidates Must Select at Least SIX of the Respected Media Outlets Below)
Assoc. Press Reuters Gannett News NY Times Co. Warner Bros.
News Corp. M4M-TV Moonie Times Gigolo Journal Exxxstacy-USA
PatriotasticPropagandaRagNobodyReads.com HornyRightWingStudHypocrites.com
ClosetcaseChristianCornholers.net KhristianKumfreaks4Karl.net
HotSkinheadRectalJackhammersForHire.com WatchMeSplooge.blogspot.com
users.livejournal.com/~quivering_mangina hornypriests4hannity.biz




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