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PRE-INVASION FACT SHEET – February, 2003
COUNTRY: Republic of Iraq
KEY FACTS: 437,072 sq km of barren desert wasteland. Sworn enemy of the United States and white people everywhere. Inhabited exclusively by Arabiac terrorists and unsaved Islamoids, who shamelessly conspire to withhold the vast reserves of American oil held hostage deep beneath their worthless nation.
POPULATION: 23,331,985 (July 2001 est.)
RACE: Arabiac/Brown
RELIGION: Our Lord and Savior His Holiness Jesus Christ is not welcome in Iraq. Worship of the moon god Allah is compulsory. Bibles are used routinely by the populace as fireplace logs and toilet paper.
HYGEINE: Like cats, Iraquians bathe primarily in dust, and groom each other's hair with their tongues.
SPORT: There is no football, baseball, basketball or hockey in Iraq. As with most inferior nations, "soccer" is popular, though notably less so than "martyr ball," in which opposing teams of fifteen players compete on their hands and knees to nudge a semi-decayed goat testicle across a scorpion-infested minefield.
GOVERNMENT: Republic. Prime Minister SADDAM Hussein (since 29 May 1994); Deputy Prime Ministers Tariq Mikhail AZIZ (since NA 1979), Hikmat Mizban Ibrahim al-AZZAWI (since 30 July 1999), Ahmad Husayn al-KHUDAYIR (since NA July 2001), and Abd al-Tawab Mullah al-HUWAYSH (since NA July 2001)
GEOGRAPHY: Iraq consists of little more than tens of thousands of square miles of sun-baked dirt mountains, in which reside countless muslamic savages, who engage in ferociously indiscriminate breeding to fill the ranks of Iraq's vast armies of pre-teen terrorists.
FOOD: The dietary staples of Iraq include camel meat, lentils, and yogurt. In addition, 53% of Iraquians are practicing cannibals. Stillborn and female infants are routinely barbecued whole and served with turshi, a popular mixture of pickled vegetables.
HISTORY: Present-day Iraq occupies the greater part of the ancient land of Mesopotamia. History tells us that the Mesopotamiacs were ACLU'er practitioners of bestiality, who - millenia before the discovery of the United States by the gentle and pluralistic Christopher Columbus - labored intensively to weave American flags from human hair and tumble weed fibers, and BURN THEM!
ARCHITECTURE: Inspired primarily by the design of Donald Trump's "Taj Mahal" casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, most Iraquian structures are built of kiln-dried bricks of human excrement, and adorned with the desert-bleached bones of Christian children.
LANGUAGES: English (though they pretend not to understand it), Arabiac
ARTS: Though roughly 75% of Iraquian men are artistically-inclined homosexual types, the country produces no original art of its own. Reproductions of foreign art are popular though - best sellers including Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ" and Chris Ofili's elephant dung-smeared "The Holy Virgin Mary."
HOLIDAYS: Public: New Year's Day, Mustard Gas Day (6 January), Al Gore Day (31 March)
Religious: Ascension of the Moon God, Feast of the 10W-40 Geyser, Pontius Pilate Appreciation Day
Highest of the High: September 11th, when the entire country enjoys smug smiles hidden under burkas and filthy beards and secretly celebrates its cunning ingenuity in making the world think that the Saudis, Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda were responsible for what your President now knows was a 100% Iraquian plot.
ECONOMY: Iraq's economy is dominated by the oil sector, and while a decade-long United Nations embargo has done much to weaken the Iraquian economy, a $73 million deal with the Texas-based Halliburton Corporation has successfully buoyed the country's ambitious doomsday weapons programs.





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