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COUNTRY:
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Republic of Iraq
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KEY FACTS:
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437,072 sq km of barren desert wasteland. Sworn enemy of the United States and white people everywhere.
Inhabited exclusively by Arabiac terrorists and unsaved Islamoids, who shamelessly conspire to withhold
the vast reserves of American oil held hostage deep beneath their worthless nation.
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POPULATION:
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23,331,985 (July 2001 est.)
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RACE:
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Arabiac/Brown
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RELIGION:
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Our Lord and Savior His Holiness Jesus Christ is not welcome in Iraq. Worship of the moon god Allah is compulsory. Bibles
are used routinely by the populace as fireplace logs and toilet paper.
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HYGEINE:
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Like cats, Iraquians bathe primarily in dust, and groom each other's hair with their tongues.
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SPORT:
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There is no football, baseball, basketball or hockey in Iraq. As with most inferior nations, "soccer" is popular,
though notably less so than "martyr ball," in which opposing teams of fifteen players compete on their hands and
knees to nudge a semi-decayed goat testicle across a scorpion-infested minefield.
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GOVERNMENT:
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Republic. Prime Minister SADDAM Hussein (since 29 May 1994); Deputy Prime Ministers Tariq Mikhail AZIZ (since
NA 1979), Hikmat Mizban Ibrahim al-AZZAWI (since 30 July 1999), Ahmad Husayn al-KHUDAYIR (since NA July 2001),
and Abd al-Tawab Mullah al-HUWAYSH (since NA July 2001)
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GEOGRAPHY:
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Iraq consists of little more than tens of thousands of square miles of sun-baked dirt mountains, in which reside countless muslamic
savages, who engage in ferociously indiscriminate breeding to fill the ranks of Iraq's vast armies of pre-teen terrorists.
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FOOD:
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The dietary staples of Iraq include camel meat, lentils, and yogurt. In addition, 53% of Iraquians are
practicing cannibals. Stillborn and female infants are routinely barbecued whole and served with turshi, a popular
mixture of pickled vegetables.
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HISTORY:
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Present-day Iraq occupies the greater part of the ancient land of Mesopotamia. History tells us that the Mesopotamiacs
were ACLU'er practitioners of bestiality, who - millenia before the discovery of the United States by the gentle and pluralistic
Christopher Columbus - labored intensively to weave American flags from human hair and tumble weed fibers, and BURN THEM!
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ARCHITECTURE:
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Inspired primarily by the design of Donald Trump's "Taj Mahal" casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, most Iraquian
structures are built of kiln-dried bricks of human excrement, and adorned with the desert-bleached bones
of Christian children.
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LANGUAGES:
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English (though they pretend not to understand it), Arabiac
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ARTS:
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Though roughly 75% of Iraquian men are artistically-inclined homosexual types, the country produces no original art of
its own. Reproductions of foreign art are popular though - best sellers including Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ"
and Chris Ofili's elephant dung-smeared "The Holy Virgin Mary."
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HOLIDAYS:
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Public: New Year's Day, Mustard Gas Day (6 January), Al Gore Day (31 March)
Religious: Ascension of the Moon God, Feast of the 10W-40 Geyser, Pontius Pilate Appreciation Day
Highest of the High: September 11th, when the entire country enjoys
smug smiles hidden under burkas and filthy beards and secretly celebrates
its cunning ingenuity in making the world think that the Saudis, Osama bin
Laden and Al Qaeda were responsible for what your President now knows was a
100% Iraquian plot.
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ECONOMY:
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Iraq's economy is dominated by the oil sector, and while a decade-long United Nations embargo has done much
to weaken the Iraquian economy, a $73 million deal with the Texas-based Halliburton Corporation has successfully
buoyed the country's ambitious doomsday weapons programs.
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White House Information:
