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THE WHITE HOUSE
 Today is January 20th, in the Year of America's Lord Jesus Christ 2009

Full Text of President Bush's Emotional Farewell Speech Cataloguing His Unparalleled Competence and Intelligence

THE PRESIDENT: "In light of popularity poll numbers that make Richard Nixon look like a greased Chippendale at Karl Rove's going away party, I just want to say that we can all agree on one thing: whether you're an immigrant terrorist or non-terrorist, a bellyaching homo, a legless Iraqazoid, a drowned corpse bloating in the New Orleans sun, an effete Huffington Post-reading urban iPhone zombie, or a Hannity-worshipping redneck patrio-fascist, a negro, a Mexi-rican, a normal guy, a feminist, a stoner, or a fixed income oldster reduced to buying Walgreens-brand Depends, odds are you're tickled pink I'm getting the fuck outta Dodge..." Continue Reading »

Mrs. Bush Finalizes Details Of Her Forthcoming Blockbuster Memoir: "How My Heroic Hubby Saved An Ungrateful World"

"I love this whole 'book advance' thing. The idea of getting paid millions for something I may not even wind up being able to do is like being elected president! LOL! But this 'fact checking' nonsense is not like being president at all and is, frankly, of dubious worth."
   EXEMPLARY EXECUTIVE BRANCH EXCELLENCE:
President's Statement Celebrating the Awesome Snuffing Out of Saddam Hussein
Hurricane Katrina: President Announces Belated Launch of "Operation Bureaucratic Clusterfuck"
President's Note to Cindy Sheehan, Grieving Mother of Heroic FREEDOM® Crusader Killed in Vietraq
President Bush and Congressional Leaders Pray Following Death of Useful Culture War Prop Terry Schaivo
President's 2nd Inaugural Address Promising Freetastic® Freegasms® of Freedomosity®
Vice President Cheney's Long-Overdue, Feel-Good Exchange With Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy
America Unveils Kinder, Gentler New Guidelines for Interrogating Maybe-Terrorist Trash
President's Personal Copy of Declassified Daily Intelligence Briefing for August 6th, 2001
President's Uproariously Hysterical Comedy Routine for the Radio & Television Correspondents' Dinner
Defusing AWOLgate: Witnesses Corroborate President's Story of How Honorably He Evaded Vietnam
MISSION ACCOMPLISHEDER! Nappy Iraqi Hairball Living in a Hole is Finally in Republican Custody
President Releases Incontrovertible Proof of Iraqi Acquisition of Weapons of Mass Destruction
President Bush Proudly Unveils Inspired, Never-Before-Tried "Road Map to Middle Eastern Peace"
President's Remarks Aboard USS Abraham Lincoln Celebrating America's Triumph Over Allah
President's Orgasmic Rebel Yell Heralding the Launch of Operation Godless Iraqazoid Smackdown
Executive Branch Edict Announcing Revised Federal France-Bashing Standards & Guidelines
President Details Diabolical Iraqi Schemes Necessitating the Wholesale Invasion of the Arabiac World
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The Iraq Crusade: Learn About America's Totally Necessary Non-Quagmire in Vietraq
Patriotic Posters: Smother Your Town With Ultra-Patriotastic White House Propaganda!
Economy: Understanding the Rock-Solid Fiscal Wisdom of Bushonomics
Ultra-Moral Heterosexuality: Experience Mrs. Lynne Cheney's Seminal Literary Masterpiece
Social Security: The Genius Plan To Bet Grandpa's Future In A Wall Street Craps Game
Foreign Affairs: Using Cowboy Diplomacy to Win Enemies and Alienate So-Called Allies
The Environment: Learn How Asphyxiating Snowmobile Fumes Actually Enhance Nature
Media Action Center: Tell Pinko Reporters You Won't Be Fooled By Their So-Called Facts!
Faith-Based Living
Faith-Based Funding:
McJesus Entrepreneurs: Claim YOUR Taxpayer Millions Now!
Defend Marriage & Divorce:
Learn Why God Wants Queers & Lezbiacs To Stay Lonely
Christian Kids Want to Know:
Why Does Our Loving God
Hate Trailer Trash So Much?
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Arab & Muslim Registration:
Enabling Brown People With Nothing To Hide To PROVE IT!
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Judges - Bypass Filibustering With Express Confirmation
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If You Are a Non-Terrorist, Participation Is REQUIRED
Just For Kids!
President Bush ROCKS:
Check Out the Awesome Music on iPod One!
Presidential Nicknames:
You Too Can Dispense Sarcastic, Demeaning Nicknames!
Miss Beazley's COOL GAME:
Protect The White House Grounds From Liberal Vermin!
Playground Diplomacy:
Learn How America & Israel Settle Minor Squabbles!
Abstinence-Only Education:
"Sex is for FAGS!" – For Boys
"IRON HYMEN" – For Girls
NSA Spy-O-Matic: Monitor Suspicious Folks!
SUPER SPY-O-MATIC!

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