Full Text of President Bush's Emotional Farewell Speech Cataloguing His Unparalleled Competence and Intelligence

THE PRESIDENT: "In light of popularity poll numbers that make Richard Nixon look like a greased Chippendale at Karl Rove's going away party, I just want to say that we can all agree on one thing: whether you're an immigrant terrorist or non-terrorist, a bellyaching homo, a legless Iraqazoid, a drowned corpse bloating in the New Orleans sun, an effete Huffington Post-reading urban iPhone zombie, or a Hannity-worshipping redneck patrio-fascist, a negro, a Mexi-rican, a normal guy, a feminist, a stoner, or a fixed income oldster reduced to buying Walgreens-brand Depends, odds are you're tickled pink I'm getting the fuck outta Dodge..." Continue Reading »

Mrs. Bush Finalizes Details Of Her Forthcoming Blockbuster Memoir: "How My Heroic Hubby Saved An Ungrateful World"

"I love this whole 'book advance' thing. The idea of getting paid millions for something I may not even wind up being able to do is like being elected president! LOL! But this 'fact checking' nonsense is not like being president at all and is, frankly, of dubious worth."