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THE WHITE HOUSE
UNITED STATES OFFICE OF HOMELAND SECURITY

ATTENTION ALL MALE TURBAN-WEARING IMMIGRANTS, STUDENTS & TOURISTS:
If you have not yet reported for mandatory interrogation and cataloguing by the Immigration & Naturalization Service, you may now opt instead to plead your innocence by registering with the Department of Homeland Security over the Internet. Please fill out the form below in its entirety. You will be contacted for further questioning when necessary.
ARAB & MUSLIM MALE REGISTRATION:
 
First Name:    Last Name:
Date of Birth:
Middle Eastern Country of Origin:
Height: ft. in.
Eye Color:
Islamoid Flavor:
Marital Status:
Date of Arrival in United States:
Mode of arrival:
Purpose of your stay?
Are you in any way affiliated with oil money?
NOTE: If "Yes," you are exempt from registration. Proceed no further.
CURRENT RESIDENCE:
Address:
City:  State:  ZIP:  
Do you deny being a terrorist?
If yes, do you have proof that will stand up in a U.S. military tribunal?
You would best describe yourself how?
Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Democratic Party?
Have you ever grown a beard?
What is your preferred footwear?
Have you received post-graduate degrees or training in nuclear physics, bioengineering or molecular genetics?
True or False: The innocent have nothing to hide.
How often to you entertain negative thoughts about the United States of America?
With how many practicing terrorists are you personally acquainted?
Are you allergic to whalloping doses of Sodium Pentathol?
True or False: Jesus was of Middle Eastern descent.
Are you smart enough to make things easier for yourself by cooperating with the United States government to identify no fewer than ten of your close friends and/or family members who are deserving of withering scrutiny and/or indefinite detainment by the Department of Homeland Security?
Finally, provide a comprehensive, itemized accounting of your activities for each day since your arrival in the United States of America:

Yes, I'd like to receive more information about Christian faith and tithing!




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