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THE WHITE HOUSE
UNITED STATES OFFICE OF HOMELAND SECURITY


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THANK YOU. YOU ARE MAD ARAB # 33002-3632.

It is recommended that all registrants commit their personal ID# to memory in the likely event they are unable to gather documents during their pre-dawn seizure by a DHS SWAT team.

NOTE: YOUR REGISTRATION IS NOT YET COMPLETE. YOU MUST COMPLETE THE THREE (3) STEPS BELOW TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR INNOCENCE:

  1. Enclose a printed copy of this page in a #10 envelope along with the following:
    • A current photograph of yourself
    • A non-smudged thumbprint in black ink on a 3x5 index card
    • Fresh toenail & pubic hair clippings taped to same
  2. Submit Registration package via First Class mail to:
    • U.S. Department of Homeland Security
      ATTN: Counter-Terrorism Desk
      732 Lone Star State Boulevard
      Washington, DC 10001
  3. Immediately purchase and begin wearing your new mandatory "I'm Registered as a Potential Terrorist With the U.S. Government!" Gear.


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