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REACHING OUT: THE FIRST LADY'S MESSAGE TO VICTIMS OF THE ENRON COLLAPSE
Gals, wondering what to do with your worthless Enron stock certificates? Decoupage!
That's right, Decoupage - the French art of dressing up surfaces with attractive scrap paper!
It seems like a whole mess of folks out there are sitting on Enron Stock
Certificates, wondering what to do with them. Well, as your First Lady and
Chairlady of the Washington chapter of Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers,
I feel as if it is my responsibility to reach out to you all and help.
There are two tips that I have come up with to help people put their Enron
stock to good use. Now, if you didn't get a call from me back in August
(after I'd spent 30 minutes wide-eyed talking over cosmos with Kenneth Lay)
telling you: "Sell those suckers!" then you missed out on my first tip. So,
here I am with my second tip: Decoupage!
There are many dear, sweet people out there who aren't part of Bushies'
Pioneers and, therefore, not on Bushie's or my calling list. It just breaks
my heart that they are holding trunk-fulls of now worthless Enron stock. If
only you had used some of that stock when it was actually worth something to
contribute to my husband, you would have been one of the people we let know
to get rid of the rest of it before the bottom fell out! Golly, it's just
like I told the officer after I ran my car through a stop sign just as my
boyfriend was driving through the same intersection and I killed him:
Doesn't everything in life just have the cutest way of coming down to
timing?
How to Decoupage Enron Stock:
As with any craft project, you should read through and understand all
directions before starting. Don't rely on your husband – or you'll end up
stuck to the kitchen counter for 2 days while he finds all the places you
hide your vodka!
- If you have not prepared the surface of the item you plan to decoupage
on, do so now. Make sure it is clean and paint/seal it now. If you didn't
hold much Enron stock, you may wish to decoupage a wooden tool or tackle
kit. If you are one of the many Enron employees who had your entire life
savings in stock, you will have enough to wallpaper several rooms of your
home. Just think! The little extra time you spend giving your walls a
novel, topical finish will really help your home sell after it is foreclosed
on!
- Cut out your Enron stock certificates. If you are a really bitter
person, cut out letters and play smutty word games with Kenny Boy's last
name.
- Arrange the Enron stock before you add the glue so you know where you
want everything. Personally, as homemaker who loves crafts, I prefer a
theme! Try adding pictures of cars or colleges you can no longer afford!
Use your imagination!
- Completely coat the back of the picture with your glue. Make sure that
the room is well-ventilated and that your husband is not hovering over the
glue pot as, if memory serves, he will wind out passing out on the fumes and
go head-first into your unfinished decoupage!
- Stick the Enron stock on the glue. Use your finger to gently push down
the stock (don't worry about tearing it – there is plenty more where that
came from!) and push out any wrinkles and excess glue. You can also use a
popsicle stick or brayer (which is what I also call my Mother-In-Law Bar).
- Continue with the last 2 steps until all your stock is glued on (for some
of you in Houston, this could take several weeks of 24-7 decoupaging, but
like those cute kitties on the poster say: Hang in there baby!) Let the
glue dry.
- Now, coat your Enron stocks completely with diluted white glue
(approximately 3 parts glue to 1 part water) or decoupage medium. Let this
dry completely before you let your husband rest Corona bottles or pretzels
on it – or they will wind up part of your decoupage!
- Now, you can continue to add coats of the glue or decoupage medium or use
another sealer (polyurethane, acrylic spray, etc.) until you get the desired
results. You will, however, want to keep adding coats until the edges of the
pictures are smooth – or until you are thrown out of your house for not
meeting mortgage, whichever comes first.
-- Mrs. George W. Bush ("Laura")
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