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For Immediate Release - Office of the Press Secretary - April 17, 2006 - 3:17 P.M. (EST)
Easter Egg Roll Memories
This shot has a funny back story: It was only moments before we walked on the Truman balcony that I first told the President he was going to join me in an Egg Roll. Confused, he growled, "It's bad enough that later this week I have to entertain those crafty Chinamen in the White House now that they own America, but I ain't eatin' their stinkin' chink food!"
Never let it be said that Jenna and her sister are the only reasons I hate being around children. I wasted a perfectly good Valium by shoving it into the Cadbury's marshmallow egg that I crammed down this bawling brat's throat – and he still didn't shut up! Mercy me, the moment that nosey photographer turned away, I dropped him face-first into the soggy grass!
As you may have read, the White House Easter Egg Roll was invaded and defiled by swarms of Hawaiian Homos wearing gaudy leis this year. Here, using colorful pamphlets, two spectacled sodomite recruiters force an impressionable young girl to recite a solemn pledge in which she promises to grow up into an angry, turf-chomping bull dyke!
I didn't understand why Karl Rove and Scotty McClellan were outside holding these ugly signs at first. But Bushie explained to me how they are not the only former Jeff Gannon customers who were left angry, hurt and dissatisfied with the whole idea of "homo sex" after taking it up the bottom countless times on the Situation Room conference table.
Here is Bushie and Vice President Cheney. Ever since Dick got drunk and tried to kill that old coot in Texas, Karl Rove had been working like the dickens to give Dick a makeover so he'd come across a something other than the personification of malevolent evil. To be honest, I liked this idea, but some of the children were unnerved by the Easter Bunny saying things like, "Fuck off, you dirty little cocksucker!"
This is when everyone got into the Christian spirit of the holiday and started mocking the homosexuals who showed up. One minute, these two boys were assuming an unnervingly effeminiate egg-rolling position, and then before I knew it, the President was chanting his favorite "squeeeal like a pig!" line from the rape scene in that old Burt Reynolds movie. He made me laugh so hard, I peed my panty shield!
Ugh! Now here is a pair of Rosie O'Donnell types if I ever saw one. The best way to taunt them? Hiss like a snake at them! That way, in photographs it will always look like you were just smiling. I picked up that neat little trick at the 2004 Republican National Convention from watching Lynne Cheney discretely being vicious to that disgusting lesbo daughter of hers.
Honestly, I thought this event would never end! It went on longer than one of those ridiculous Catholic weddings. Anyway, this was me using a pie chart to explain to the children gathered how they were all going to wind up owing a pack of mean Chinamen trillions and trillions of dollars to pay for my husband's war in Iraqistan after all their parents were long dead and rotting in the ground.
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