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Name:
Bible-Believing Church Name:
City:	State:
Church Religious Affiliation:	... Southern Baptist Evangelical Non-Denominational Evangelical Denominational Other/False Religion
Funding Package(s) Desired:	Start-Up: Church Painting/Pew Shellacking [$189.00] Tin: New Bibles, Hymnals & Choir Robes [$1,800.00] Bronze: Church Security System/Floor Waxing/Neon Cross [$6,000.00] Silver: Tract Printing/New Missionary Bus/Megaphones [$44,000.00] Gold: Church Extensions: Pastor's Study, Nursery School, and Deacon's Lounge [$200,000.00] Platinum: New Homosexual Outreach Ministry Center (Exodus International) Incl. Makeup and Costumes [$425,000.00] Light Up the Sky: 1 year of 1 hr Sunday Morning Network Television Broadcasting Time (TBN or FOX Only) [$4.8 Million]
Age of Church:	... Very Old Pretty Old Incorporated This Morning
Size of Church:	... Over 25,000 Born Again Members Unsuccessful
Reach of Ministry:	... < 8 Per Cent ACNielsen Share > 8 Per Cent ACNielsen Share
Female Preachers Permitted:	... No Yes, but they are required to remain silent
Location of Church:	... Currently Zoned for Commercial Use Variance Paperwork Currently Before Zoning Commission
Average Parishoner Income:	... Over $160 K Poor
Church Demographics:	... Generally Acknowledged as Being an Admitted Negro Church Some Invited Negroes in the Church Occasionally Uninvited Negroes Lurking Only Hourly-Paid Negroes Permitted Inside the Church
Church Party Affiliation:	... Republican Ineligible for Funding
Method of Baptism:	... Full Immersion - Indoor Full Immersion - Outdoor Spit and Shine Broken Water Heralding Non-Aborted Fetus
Method of Evangelism:	... Door-to-Door Witnessing Street Preaching Lifestyle Evangelism Television/Radio Ministry Flatbed Truck With a Bullhorn SPAM
Does your Pastor have a personal relationship with the President?
	No Yes Our Pastor golfs with the President's poppy
Does your church allow parishioners to worship in informal attire?
	Yes, we don't mind offending the Lord No, we don't allow ladies to cross-dress by wearing slacks
Is your church's youth group interested in a free trip to the Holy Land once it is under American control?
	Yes No
Is your church interested in purchasing a bronze bust of Ronald Reagan to display in its lobby?
	Yes Yes, but no Nancy
How do you wish your taxpayer funds to be delivered?
	Small bills with nonsequential numbers Cashiers Check Gift Certificate Wired directly to pastor's account
Please explain your church's worthiness in 50 words or less: