In This Installment (09.09.2004):
MATT DRUDGE: FAIR AND BALANCED BLOGGER

Matt Drudge is the founder, publisher, and tirelessly heterosexual editor of The Drudge Report, the Interweb's number one source of indisputably objective political news. Eschewing formal training and so-called investigating, this former CBS studio gift shop cashier has single-handedly reinvigorated modern journalism with his trademark blend of 100 point headlines, anthrax forecasts, and blow-by-blow updates on the all-important rumored exchange of Democrats' bodily fluids. Today Mr. Drudge happy to take your questions – right here on ASK THE WHITE HOUSE.

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Chip, from Chicago, IL writes:
Hi Matt. It's so good to have this opportunity. You do such amazing, important work, and America is so lucky to have you during any election season. Could you tell us what you think the most important story of the year is so far?

Matt Drudge:

** EXCLUSIVE: MUST CREDIT DRUDGE **
JOHN KERRY BOTOX, HAIR "STYLIST," FRILLY CROTCHLESS PANTY SHOCKER!!!

'American' at center of implied effeminacy grooming firestorm /// May have flossed regularly, cleaned schmutz from fingernails to avoid worms, newsroom sources reveal // Developing...

Suzanne P. , from Omaha, NE writes:
Matt – THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your hard work Overall, me and my husband is real satisfied with your kind of patriotic journalism. You do a real good job burying all those boring stories that harp on negative stuff about our Godly President. Every once in awhile though, you give top billing to stories that HURT George W. Bush. What's so special about those stories?

Matt Drudge:

** HOT, STEAMY PILES OF RIPPED, GLISTENING MAN MEAT EXPOSED AT IRAQI PRISON!! **

Photos, video reveal non-stop ORGY of long suppressed homoerotic passions // Brown-eyed ARAB STALLIONS explore forbidden pleasures in prison ROMP ROOMS // Developing HARD...

Roger G. , from Newark, NJ writes:
What I've always admired about you the most is your calm sense of journalistic decorum and determination to never pander to gratuitous fear or sensationalism. That said, I know the world can be a dangerous place. If I allowed myself to get worried about just one thing, what would you recommend?

Matt Drudge:

SUMMER OF DEATH: AL QAEDA PLOTS AQUATIC TERROR IN NATION'S KIDDY POOLS

**Exclusive** Unnamed Homeland Security sources tell Drudge of unconfirmed, unspecific chatter // Gruesome dismemberment may await nation's innocent toddlers // Festering...

Rev. Horace Brandon , from Phoenix, AZ writes:
As a Christian, I feel continuously let down and assaulted by the overtly leftist and perverted message of the traditional liberal media. I want to thank you, Matt Drudge, for providing a news outlet that wholesome, God-fearing, conservative Americans can turn to for some decent news for a change. My question is, what's new?

Matt Drudge:

**** ANATOMY HORROR ****
1/2 SECOND GLIMPSE OF KINKED-OUT NEGRO TITTY STUNS, SICKENS NATION

Sloppy colored udder belongs to sister of famous albino child molester // Sources revealing Jacko family plot to infiltrate, befoul America's living rooms // Engorging...

John D. , from Astoria, NY writes:
What impresses me the most about you top-notch reporter guys is how you somehow always stay on top of all the stuff that's happening like RIGHT NOW! With new stuff happening practically every hour of every day, how's a regular Joe like me supposed to know which news we should REALLY be focused on?

Matt Drudge:

** A NATION HUMILIATED **
3,305 DAYS LATER, REMEMBERING ARKANSAS EJACULATOR'S DEBUT TERROR SPURT

Liberal architect of peace and prosperity sprayed gooey man jelly on ugly, non-male intern // Tried to divert media spotlight by bombing Afghan terror camps // Eternally Developing...

Rene Kornwaller , from Lubbock, TX writes:
It's really impossible not to notice how in the past eight years or so, the mainstream media has really diluted the substance and relevance of what they sell as "news." With all that silly fluff journalism out there, we Americans are so lucky to able to turn to The Drudge Report to get the truth about things that really matter. Thank you for that, Matt Drudge! Sometimes my mind just boggles wondering what essential piece of hard news you'll ferret out next!

Matt Drudge:

*** UNIVERSE EXCLUSIVE ***
AMAZING FLORIDA DOGGY THINKS HE'S PEOPLE

Eats human food, uses human furniture, responds to commands in English! // Disney in high-level story rights negotiations with family // Whispers of seven-figure deal // Developing...

Tim R. , from Bozeman, MT writes:
Hey Matt. Love what you do. Without your site, my blog would be just another masturbatory banalityfest that would have one less other site to link to! My question is, the thing that's so amazing about you is that while most journalists actually bother to become experts in just a few areas, you're somehow able to cover EVERYTHING really good! What's your favorite kind of story, anyhoo?

Matt Drudge:

* !!!!! HELLSTORM !!!!! *
Forecasters Predict Apocalyptic Wind, Rain, Fire, Snow, Sun, Fog and Meteor Showers

NOAA sources reveal storm pattern capable of complete planetary annhiliation- theoretically TODAY // Impacting NOW...

Hector R., from Albuquerque, NM writes:
Mister Drudge. Thank you for taking my question. I am but a humble man who is awed by your brilliance, and I have but one question. What is the meaning of life?

Matt Drudge:

** WASH TIMES/FOX NEWS SHOCK POLL **
BUSH UP 25,637% - UNDECIDED VOTERS SWING PRO-AMERICA IN DROVES

Viewed by absolutely everyone as perfect, non-corrupt, gifted orator, loved by foreigners around the world // Sources report handful of remaining Kerry supporters afflicted by Downs Syndrome // Concluding shortly...

Matt Drudge:

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