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Gut of Sec. Michael Chertoff
Clairvoyant Viscera
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John McCain
Heroically Feisty Maverick
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Katherine Harris
Universally Beloved Conservatrix
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Sen. George Allen
Pillar of Inclusiveness
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Ann Coulter
Public Reeducation Operative
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Robert Novak
Discreet Patrio-Journalist
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The Average Iraqi: Ecsatic Beneficiary of American Compassion
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Alberto Gonzales
US Attorney General
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Matt Drudge
Fair & Balanced Blogger
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Prince Bandar bin Sultan
Executive Policy Advisor
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Mrs. George W. Bush
First Lady
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Mrs. Richard Cheney
Second Lady
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Clarence Thomas
U.S. Supreme Court Justice
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Barney Bush
First Scottish Terrier
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Karl Rove
Senior Domestic Policy Advisor
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Pastor Deacon Fred
Secretary of Faith-Based Living
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Donald Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense
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John Ashcroft
U.S. Attorney General
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Rev. Dr. Jerry Falwell
Executive Director of Global Policy
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Mary Cheney
Well-Adjusted Second Daughter
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Brian J. Doyle
Homeland Security Senior Official
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David S. Addington
Vice Presidential Chief of Staff
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Michael D. Brown
FEMA Director
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Jesus Christ: Commander
of the Commander in Chief
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Lt. Gen. James Mattis
US Marine Corps Humanitarian
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Jenna and The Other One
First Twins
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Mrs. Betty Bowers
America's Best Christian
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Dennis Miller
Hilarious Conservative Celebrity
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Karen Hughes
Counselor to the President
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Pablo Escapa
Chief White House Botanist
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Tom Ridge
Secretary of Homeland Security
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Dr. Condoleezza Rice
National Security Advisor
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Burt Johnson
Director of Presidential Security
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Christine Todd Whitman
EPA Administrator
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Andrew Card
White House Chief of Staff
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