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THE WHITE HOUSE
MRS. GEORGE H.W. BUSH ("Bar")

























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A veritable whirling dervish of matriarchal magnetism and fork-tongued wit, Mrs. George H.W. Bush brings a special brand of maturity and silver-haired spunk to the otherwise somber and heretofore ignored position of Executive First Lady. A perennial role model for the husky drag queen set, Bar (as she's known to those who know her best) can light up a room with her trademark flurries of urgent directives and stinging criticisms.

Born June 8, 1925, in Rye, New York, to Pauline and (future McCalls publisher) Marvin Pierce, the then Pre-Mrs. George H.W. Bush enjoyed a respectable and modestly comfortable youth. Refined and tactful from the very moment of conception, Bar held elementary school tea parties that were the stuff of legend, replete with hand-picked Barbados cherry scones, Tiffany cup & saucer sets, and the doting attentions of her Darjeeling-native hand servant, Takdah. Generous sometimes to a fault, Bar was quick to invite even the most common neighbor girl to the frequent slumber parties in the hay loft of her Acropolis-inspired pony stable.

Bar would weather the Great Depression bravely while attending a succession of exclusive boarding schools, including Rye Country Day and South Carolina's Ashley Hall – the latter's Christmas dance being where she would stalk future President George H.W. Bush until he finally succumbed to her playful taunts about his masculinity. Within two years, the two were engaged to be married.

In George's absence, Bar would commence her freshman year at Smith College, but, wisely sensing the institution's future reputation for lesbianism, would drop out after only 6 months. Unemployed, unmarried, and pining for George's return from dispensing vengeful medicine to those sneaky Nips, Bar took solace in the company of her new friends on the ladies' weight-lifting circuit. But in January, 1945, just two weeks after George's triumphant homecoming, the young couple were married at last.

The years passed quickly, and Bar disgorged a sizable menagerie of Bush children while George H.W. made his rapid climb up the political ladder. Relocating to wherever her husband's noble freedom-fighting took them became a way of life, and as such, Bar's beloved wedding furniture suffered untold nicks and scratches over the course of 29 moves between George's first election to the US Congress and his inauguration as Vice President under Ronald Reagan.

When President Bush was finally and justly elected President, Bar re-invented what it means to be the First Lady, eschewing the gratuitous slimness of decades of her predecessors and reveling in her queen-sized magnificence. Her first term as First Lady would see Bar co-author two best-selling books with her beloved Springer Spaniel Millie, and succeed (albeit in the final hours) at eliminating the overpowering and stubbornly lingering scent of Nancy Reagan's Chanel No. 5 from the First Lady's East Wing toiletry alcove.

After President Bush voluntarily stepped down in 1992, with her children long since grown and moved away, Bar luxuriated in eight years worth of free time, mastering the collected works of Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber for the zither, and at long last pursuing her life-long desire to become an unrivalled master of seashell picture frame crafts.

But that was then. Today, with Executive President George H.W. Bush back at the helm of the White House, Bar is busier than ever before, tasked with the day-to-day oversight and management of both Mrs. George W. Bush and the more headstrong Mrs. Dick Cheney, who might otherwise selfishly engage in activities of interest to themselves.

Mrs. George H.W. Bush's star sign is Gemini. She likes movies, going out for dinner, walks on the beach, like-minded Caucasian Christians, and leaders of the free world with a sense of humor.




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